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Let's talk about... Stalking. Specifically I'm talking about sex workers, cosplayers, Dom/mes, subs, YouTubers and anyone known thanks to social media, but the same applies to everyone.
You may get to know someone via their online/public persona. A YouTuber, a cammer, cosplayer etc, or maybe a favourite sex worker you book, or a booth girl/boy at a trade show. Maybe they talk to you, maybe they're friendly to you. That's nice, right? Sure it is.
The problem comes when people misinterpret kind behaviour for some unstated desire for them, and start pushing for personal details, or perks, or freebies or real names, phone numbers, addresses, photos and so on.
If someone wants to get to know you better - outside of their work persona - THEY WILL TELL YOU. Despite what you might think, they're not sitting in a locked tower waiting for someone to express interest - they're probably fending people off left right and centre.
If you happen to find out someone's real name, for example, either because they trusted you with it, or because you figured it out, don't go blabbing it about. It won't impress them, ESPECIALLY if they didn't tell you. It's creepy. It's scary. Just... Don't.
Likewise, if someone posts photos and you recognise the location - DON'T say "oh I know where you are!" or worse, "Maybe I'll see you there!" That is potentially terrifying - that person may now be scared to go there again.
Finding out someone's real identity, location etc does not make you look clever. It doesn't make someone think "oh, clearly this person cares so much about me to find out my ID that I must have their babies forthwith!"
It makes you look like a stalker. Because you pretty much are. So just... Don't.
Think you've discovered their secret social media account? A) you probably haven't because, y'know, secret, also B) it's secret for a reason. That reason being people like you.
Think you've discovered their secret social media account? A) you probably haven't because, y'know, secret, also B) it's secret for a reason. That reason being people like you.
Even worse - and I've seen this - is someone, we'll call him John, following GamerChick69 and thinking "oh she's nice." Maybe he comments on her posts, she says "awww thanks
" and John thinks "I'm in here." John clearly isn't good with girls.
" and John thinks "I'm in here." John clearly isn't good with girls.
Anyway, he follows all her socials and interacts with her. Maybe she thinks he's harmless and funny, so they swap cosplay memes. Maybe after a few months they chat on DM about games and the weather (if Jane is British, obviously).
John thinks he detects flirting - after all, why would she send him 
when he complimented her bikini pic? So he asks what her real name is- and she politely says "oh I'm sorry, I keep my identity private, I'm sure you understand! xxx"
The nerve!
when he complimented her bikini pic? So he asks what her real name is- and she politely says "oh I'm sorry, I keep my identity private, I'm sure you understand! xxx"The nerve!
He'd always been so complimentary about her boobs and never missed a stream, plus he was top commenter AND top tipper for three months in a row! So he decides she's playing hard to get. That must be it. So he starts digging. Finds out she has another account for non-gamer stuff.
He's all "Hi GamerChick69 ooops I mean Jane lol
your secret is safe with me 
lol". He thinks it's cute, that she'll see he's worth her time. In reality, she's thinking "fuck gonna have to delete this account now."
your secret is safe with me lol". He thinks it's cute, that she'll see he's worth her time. In reality, she's thinking "fuck gonna have to delete this account now."
She's probably going to say "I don't know what you mean, leave me alone".
John feels all butthurt and so he creates a fake account, and starts trolling Jane from it.
Then John switches to his normal account and is all "yo dude that ain't cool man, leave her alone"
John feels all butthurt and so he creates a fake account, and starts trolling Jane from it.
Then John switches to his normal account and is all "yo dude that ain't cool man, leave her alone"
John thinks that by defending her, he'll show he's a good guy. She'll see how nice he is. So he carries on attacking and "defending", thinking how awesome he looks.
Of course now Jane has "two" people on her case. Is she getting wet at John coming to her aid? No, she's looking up the laws on cyberstalking and wondering if she'll have to move house. Or if she'll end up as another "internet victim".
Spoiler: This doesn't end with John and Jane living happily ever after. It ends with John doing jail time, which he doesn't enjoy, and Jane living in fear for her life and unable to trust anyone ever again.
It's really, really simple. Don't be a dick.
If you've been trusted with someone's real identity, don't out someone who is clearly trying to keep their life separate. Don't try and find out who they are. Don't tell them you know. Don't ask if you can have their real name.
If you've been trusted with someone's real identity, don't out someone who is clearly trying to keep their life separate. Don't try and find out who they are. Don't tell them you know. Don't ask if you can have their real name.
Don't do anything except like, comment and subscribe. Leave it there. If they want to reach out to you, they will. 999 out of 1,000 times though - they don't want to. And that is THEIR choice.
@threadreaderapp unroll
