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stray thoughts: been having a lot of ambivalent thoughts about respect, personality and power given the big changes in my life over the past decade or so.
if you had told me in my early or mid twenties that I would be where I am now, I would've been...very surprised 1/6
if you had told me in my early or mid twenties that I would be where I am now, I would've been...very surprised 1/6
now I have a fancy job+bylines, and get a serious hearing for similar takes as were getting mockery and open hostility back in grad school. life's weird.
but this isn't about that. it's about this: ethically speaking, IMO I should have the personality now that I had then 2/6
but this isn't about that. it's about this: ethically speaking, IMO I should have the personality now that I had then 2/6
years ago, I was desperate for anyone to take me and my words seriously, and put up with what I thought I had to. this was, predictably, exploited by others in ways big and small.
nowadays, I'm shocked by how little disrespect (by comparison) I'm willing to tolerate 3/6
nowadays, I'm shocked by how little disrespect (by comparison) I'm willing to tolerate 3/6
the role of social/material power in this change in personality is obvious: I have access to spaces where disrespect won't happen and don't need much out of the interactions where it does.
what is interesting is that it seems to play the exact opposite role than it should 4/6
what is interesting is that it seems to play the exact opposite role than it should 4/6
*grad school* me had more moral right to demand equality and mutual respect in conversation, he had more at stake in these.
but *tenure-track* me is more likely to demand and get these terms - and the thing that makes him less deserving is the very thing that explains why. 5/6
but *tenure-track* me is more likely to demand and get these terms - and the thing that makes him less deserving is the very thing that explains why. 5/6
that's it, that's the whole thought. I haven't gotten much further than that, other than the obvious "this is not an individual-level problem and thus you should not expect to find an individual-level solution" type thought. but maybe some of yall have thoughts 6/6
P.S. this is also related to my deep misgivings about the whole "fuck civility" discourse, especially when advocated by folks who, like me, have the power to decide what disrespect means (and thus what it risks) in their lives - but that's for another day
