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The reason I can't ski. I got on them joints once and was like "Wait... I can't just DO this? I'm good."
Once I became aware of it, I fought past it (becoming a ((very slow)) distance runner was part of that) and I'm better about committing to even things that aren't easy...
Once I became aware of it, I fought past it (becoming a ((very slow)) distance runner was part of that) and I'm better about committing to even things that aren't easy...
I read this piece in NYMag in 2007 about how kids who've known they're gifted can actually be less confident in areas where they don't automatically excel, and I was like oh this is me! Once I was concious of it I sought out stuff that was hard(er) for me.
https://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
https://nymag.com/news/features/27840/
Like I HATE math. I can DO math, I'm not BAD at math, but all things language and text-oriented are so fcking easy for me that the fact I have to even remotely focus when working numbers glitches my brain. So I avoid it. Budgets, expenses, forecasts, all things excel... HATE.
I always admired my friends who had a "fuck that, I'ma get this/win/conquer at all costs" mentality, and wondered why I didn't have that. Coping mechanisms weren't an issue because I was an only child and a largely independent learner...
https://twitter.com/_iamtruehate/status/1329462119977381888?s=21 https://twitter.com/_iamtruehate/status/1329462119977381888
https://twitter.com/_iamtruehate/status/1329462119977381888?s=21 https://twitter.com/_iamtruehate/status/1329462119977381888
... I just had no interest in breaking walls because I didn't encounter them often. It made me incredibly lazy acedemically.
Actually, I take the coping thing partially back. When I first skipped a grade, having to catch up to my class was *so* foriegn.
Actually, I take the coping thing partially back. When I first skipped a grade, having to catch up to my class was *so* foriegn.
I went from straight A's to not only my first B but two C's on a report card and I wrote in my diary that I was stupid.
But to @ElleOnWords original point, growing up being praised and showcased for my talent and skill unprompted left me with a fear of sticking my neck out to compete. There's a difference between being naturally good and knowing how to compete.
I had to develop the ability to risk a "no", or a "that's not right," or a "we're going in another direction." I would miss opportunities bc I wouldn't raise my hand if I wasn't just chosen - even career-wise. It's something I've been struggling with anew as a writer.
Meeeee. Pressing through on things is a skill I'm still developing at my big age, bc my automatic inner narrative says 2 things:
1. If I'm not good on some level right away I just won't BE good, and
2. If I'm not good right away it's not for me.
https://twitter.com/leonaslovequest/status/1329466950393720838?s=21 https://twitter.com/leonaslovequest/status/1329466950393720838
1. If I'm not good on some level right away I just won't BE good, and
2. If I'm not good right away it's not for me.
https://twitter.com/leonaslovequest/status/1329466950393720838?s=21 https://twitter.com/leonaslovequest/status/1329466950393720838
The other thing I leaned on HEAVY in school was that when teachers know you're capable of a high caliber of work early, they'll let you get away with all manner of bullshit.
(Yes, I know this is privilege).
(Yes, I know this is privilege).
In college, I'd put up my best work at the top of the semester, develop relationships with my professor, then start slacking mid-semester. They'd give me all kinds of extensions, let all kinds of excuses fly.
And I did know even in high school that if I "applied myself" I would have been a problem. I literally did the bare minimum, for me, which still kept me with at least a B average. This drove my mother mad (bc my parents knew I was coasting) but my social life was vv important
I was one of two Black kids in my grades in AP classes and senior year all the white kids were stressing about their graduation ranking, putting in MARATHON study hours. And occassionaly I'd be like "Yo I should try to focus like that..."
... but boys.
... but boys.
I did take my parents' counsel on one thing: I could have graduated after junior year if I just took English in summer school. I knew socially I wasn't ready to advance another year like that. I wanted to stay with my class. But...
... my mom encouraged me not to fill my senior year up with electives and/or create a shorter day like most of my friends were bc it'd make the transition to freshman year of college harder. She was 100% on the nose there.
Now I'm rambling, anyway. Yes, over affirmation is a thing, even when it's deserved (it's downright harmful when undeserved). The flip side of having to have developed an instinct to compete and work past challenges is also learning how to ask for an accept help.
And when I do ask for help, WAIT for the help. I was very "fck it I'ma just figure it out and do it," (which is also a Gen X thing) which hasn't always worked to ideal effect (like buying my first car, but that's another story).
