For International Men's Day, a reminder that a lot of men are taught to suppress their feelings and their trauma and that often makes men feel like prisoners in their own lives. A thread of some hopefully helpful and healing thoughts.

First: A man's relationship with himself is his relationship with others.

If he gaslights his own feelings ("this isn't real, ignore it"), criticizes himself harshly and/or neglects himself (physically or spiritually) -- that is the kind of partner he will be to others.

Second: Know you're not alone.

Here's a thread of men sharing their experiences of feeling neglected or abandoned. Some men often fear commitment to others because they find it exhausting to just carry themselves through the world. That exhaustion is from accumulated trauma. https://twitter.com/moorehn/status/1329119674429304833

Third: Remember that NOT reaching towards growth has serious harm for yourself and others. Many women are walking around traumatized or needing healing from running interference (football term) for men's trauma https://twitter.com/moorehn/status/1328366519634579461

(Side note: Apologizing for the heteronormativity of this thread but I can only speak to my own experiences, and anyone with other experiences is VERY welcome to add context too; it's just not for me to say)

The only way for straight cis men to liberate themselves from the prison of toxic masculinity is to gain emotional literacy and self-knowledge. You cannot sports and video-game your way out of unhappiness. Here are some good books to learn how to be a better man. https://twitter.com/moorehn/status/1327286719163600899

Here are the symptoms of emotional neglect. Take this seriously: Emotional neglect is as bad to mental health as some forms of physical abuse. If you, as a man, have experienced this, then finding a good therapist could be transformative to your healing.

https://www.tiktok.com/@realdepressionproject/video/6881393516388289793

A helpful thought: Someone who wants you to be better to yourself and others is looking out for your thriving. We have a whole Discourse around "the person who loves you won't want to change you" and that's not a person who loves you; that's a person content with your stagnation.

Many men see disagreement or prompts as inherently oppositional. They are not. Good communication means being able to bring up serious things and talk them out, without it being the end of everything. It's a really good skill. Here's are books on mastering it.

Okay, good luck out there. Do things you loved to do as a kid; that's always a good start.

Last thought: Remember that the patriarchy benefits a tiny minority of men, and most of those financially at best; emotionally they remain bewildered, closed-off and scared until they seek healing. The patriarchy is not *anyone's* friend. https://twitter.com/katedc16/status/1328372734167019521