Today is International Men's Day.

If you have sons or young men in your life, what are you going to do today to elevate them? How are you teaching them to respect themselves? How are you role modeling healthy emotional intelligence?

Deeply loved boys grow up to be loving men.

This week, the internet saw the stupidest argument about whether Harry Styles wearing a dress in Vogue is an attack on masculinity.

It's awful but you can pivot it to an excellent opportunity to spark a conversation with a young man in your life.

Women are more likely to attempt suicide but men and boys are more likely to succeed. This tells us that men are less likely to 'cry for help'.

That needs to change.

How are you talking to the boys in your life about vulnerability and mental wellness?

I also recommend talking about healthy masculiniTIES. Plural.

Too often, people conflate feminist discussions about toxic masculinity with a believe that masculinity = bad. So men who do identify with traditional masculine traits feel like we're trying to erase them. Nope!

When I work with men and boys, I tell them 'It's okay to like watching contact sports or going for beers at the pub with your friends. You can do all those things AND STILL be vulnerable, respectful of women, a good friend.'

Hell, I'm a high femme feminist who is only attracted to hyper masculine people. Why the hell would I want to erase masculinity?!

The difference is I *choose* hyper femininity and I only wanna fuck with dudes who *choose* their identities; not men who feel trapped by them.

Gender equality, acceptance of gender non-conformity and vulnerability in men is *not* about erasing masculinity or only loving the Harry-Styles-In-A-Dress version of masculinity.

It's about OPENING UP POSSIBILITIES and letting people choose what speaks to them.

If you're a man with influence on young men, use yourself as an example!

If you love hockey, WWE and video games but also love cooking Christmas dinner for your family and cuddling kittens, SAY SO.

We are not trying to limit men. We're trying to free them.

I've been a professional feminist for almost 20 yrs, which means I've spent almost 2 decades being accused of hating men.

I do not hate men.
But I am afraid of them a lot of the time.
And I am afraid *for them* a lot, too.

Ultimately, there is only so much I can do as a woman.

All of the research has shown that men and boys need OTHER men and boys to role model healthy masculinities; that women are not heard in these discussions.

So if you're a man who 'gets it', then please speak up today!

PS Thanks to @whitefish_ARCH for also pointing out that you *can* break the cycle of violence you were born into.

If you were *not* loved deeply as a young man, you are not doomed to be violent and toxic yourself.

You can't erase what happened to you but it need not define you