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It's #InternationalMensDay2020
So here's some important male-centric insight I've uncovered this year
Modern society constantly compels men to be 'strong'. But strong is NOT the same as 'emotionally suppressed'. That's not strength. That shit genuinely messes us guys up
/1
So here's some important male-centric insight I've uncovered this year
Modern society constantly compels men to be 'strong'. But strong is NOT the same as 'emotionally suppressed'. That's not strength. That shit genuinely messes us guys up
/1
If we're being purely logical, if all of modern culture is telling you not to feel/express emotions, obeying is the *easiest* option. It makes it more of a challenge to be openly emotional, so doing so *requires* strength, it doesn't reveal an absence of it
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Not that 'displaying strength' should even be a priority. We're millennia removed from the tribal existence where such things were important
Also, male brains have just as much of an emotional range as female ones. This idea that we're default stoics is a v dangerous one
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Also, male brains have just as much of an emotional range as female ones. This idea that we're default stoics is a v dangerous one
/3
Thing is, it's all well and good just telling guys they need to be more emotionally open. Actually *doing that* is nowhere near as easy. The cultural conditioning goes incredibly deep. I know, because it happened to me just recently.
/4
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As you know, my Dad died earlier this year of #Covid19. It was unexpected, it was traumatic, it was harrowing, it was devastating. All those things.
Did I cry about it? Yes. But it wasn't easy. It took genuine effort for me to be openly upset about the loss of a parent
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Did I cry about it? Yes. But it wasn't easy. It took genuine effort for me to be openly upset about the loss of a parent
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And this is *me*, the brain guy
I *know* how important emotional expression is
I *know* how bad it is for your brain and mental health if you suppress your feelings
I *know* how ludicrous and harmful such gender stereotypes can be
Even so, could I cry easily? No
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I *know* how important emotional expression is
I *know* how bad it is for your brain and mental health if you suppress your feelings
I *know* how ludicrous and harmful such gender stereotypes can be
Even so, could I cry easily? No
/6
I *did* cry, eventually. But only when I was alone. And usually a bit drunk. I could be emotionally open eventually, but it was like passing a cognitive kidney stone. My subconscious mind just didn't want to let it happen, despite all my knowledge as to how unhelpful this was
/7
/7
I actively *wanted* to cry. Crying was a perfectly logical and healthy reaction to what was happening to me. Nonetheless, it took serious effort to coax the response out of my own head. There were just too many logjams in the way.
/8
/8
Even at the funeral and similar events, I defaulted to being the 'strong' one. I stayed stoic and reserved, to support everyone else
But nobody *asked* me to do that
I know it was an unhealthy approach
It was utterly pointless
Still did it though. Because 'boys don't cry'
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But nobody *asked* me to do that
I know it was an unhealthy approach
It was utterly pointless
Still did it though. Because 'boys don't cry'
/9
Point is, we can have an #InternationalMensDay where we encourage guys to be more open and expressive, and that's good. But it's not that simple. The cultural conditioning goes in very deep for many of us, we can't just switch that off because someone online says we should
/10
/10
So much of our learning influences us at levels way below the conscious mind. And even if a man learns everything he can about the brain and mental wellbeing [raises hand], it'll still be a long process to undo it all, no matter how illogical he deems it to be
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My point is; you can use #InternationalMensDay to encourage guys to 'open up'. But actually doing so, in the short and long terms, is a much more difficult and involved process. Yelling at them for being stubborn if they don't do so immediately is just self-defeating
/end
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