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Unrelated thoughts about life that I haven't really been good at putting into words, but a lot of my life has basically just been a performance for other people and I'm definitely over that
Like the thing is, there's a lot of things out there that yes I can do if I push myself
They are not things that I can do all the time, not repeatedly
These are things that I generally wouldn't do unless I had an actual need to
They are not things that I can do all the time, not repeatedly
These are things that I generally wouldn't do unless I had an actual need to
And to be honest I'm a bit worn out from constantly doing something that involves pushing myself every day, it's sorta how I ended up in this life situation to begin with (a full time office job turned out to be something I couldn't _consistently_ do)
It's just that people expect things out of me, and maybe those are things that "normal" people do or that other people are expected to do, and it's for no other purpose other than to prove a point about me doing it? Look I dunno what some people's deal is
It's just that I end up doing these things not for any reason at all that includes actually benefiting myself
It's purely just to satisfy other people and what they want my level of ability to be
It's purely just to satisfy other people and what they want my level of ability to be
And I have to be wary of these people not just expecting me to do the thing, but also that they'll be like "See? You can do the thing, now you can always do the thing forever and this will never be a problem"
âŠIt's a very specific aggravating occurrence, and maybe this rant doesn't make sense and just seems passive aggressive. It's just that when I've thought about it, my entire life I've been negged and hassled into pushing myself way too hard
I guess there are some people out there in this world that really don't like the idea of neurodivergent people not being able to do _everything_ _all_ the time and they just really want it to be a silly harmless collection of quirks
So, I find myself yet again writing a thread where I ask myself wait, why am I writing this? Where am I going with this?
Well, maybe I can help some anonymous reader read this and say "oh mood"
Well, maybe I can help some anonymous reader read this and say "oh mood"
That, and sometimes I just have thoughts of "hmm this would be a good thread to post" and then I don't get around to writing it later and I forget half of what I was gonna say so I make it up as I go along
Anyway I guess I'm just annoyed at 1) being worn out today and having the big headache, hence not being able to do much 2) remembering vague memories of people in my life pissing me off which happens a lot when I'm left alone with my thoughts
