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Today is International Men’s day - a day many MRAs complain doesn’t exist every time International Women’s day comes around.
I was going to question the need for international men’s day when pretty much every other day of the year is dominated by men, male voices and generally the celebration of men.
But maybe this is a good chance to reflect on how our patriarchal society hurts men.
But maybe this is a good chance to reflect on how our patriarchal society hurts men.
Let’s start with the men’s health gap. According to the WHO ( https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/handle/10665/311696/WHO-DAD-2019.1-eng.pdf) a boy born in 2018 has a life expectancy 4.5 lower than a girl.
It’s hard to unpick all the causal pathways for this but a definite contributor is men’s reticence to seek medical care.
It’s hard to unpick all the causal pathways for this but a definite contributor is men’s reticence to seek medical care.
Patriarchal society sets up men as providers and protectors. Seeking healthcare can be seen as admitting that a man is not capable of providing for and protecting his family.
I’m guilty of this. I have seen my infrequent visits to the doctor as a point of pride. I have threatened to get a physical for about 5 years now and never done it.
So to celebrate international men’s day I’m going to book myself a checkup for next week.
So to celebrate international men’s day I’m going to book myself a checkup for next week.
Of course physical health is not the only way in which men are hurt by w patriarchal society.
Expectations about men and emotions impact boys pretty early on, and they manifest themselves in a multitude of ways - some socially accepted and some not.
Expectations about men and emotions impact boys pretty early on, and they manifest themselves in a multitude of ways - some socially accepted and some not.
One such outworking is the gendered meme that “men can’t just listen - they want to fix things”.
How is that related to emotions? That inability to sit in the discomfort of listening to someone’s problem and the need to fix it is a trauma response.
How is that related to emotions? That inability to sit in the discomfort of listening to someone’s problem and the need to fix it is a trauma response.
Boys often have their emotions invalidated at an early age: “boys don’t cry”, “man up” etc.
This is a traumatic experience and so the response is to try and avoid uncomfortable feelings (that we’re not allowed to have) by resolving the situation that caused them.
This is a traumatic experience and so the response is to try and avoid uncomfortable feelings (that we’re not allowed to have) by resolving the situation that caused them.
There seems to be two societally acceptable emotions for men to display: joy (when your football team wins) and anger (when your football team loses).
This doesn’t end well for anyone.
This doesn’t end well for anyone.
So maybe to celebrate International Men’s day, we as men could commit to stop next time our instinct is to fix instead of listen, and to sit in that uncomfortable space with that uncomfortable feeling.
Maybe we could even reflect on what that uncomfortable feeling is.
Maybe we could even reflect on what that uncomfortable feeling is.
I’m about done with these reflections, but there’s another way you could celebrate International Men’s day: check in on the men in your life.
Ask real questions and be ready for real answers. It’s not all beer and footy all the time. Sometimes things suck - and that’s okay.
Ask real questions and be ready for real answers. It’s not all beer and footy all the time. Sometimes things suck - and that’s okay.
And you could read @feministabulous’s book: For the Love of Men. It’s a look into how our society, despite being male dominated, is ultimately damaging to men.
It offers a different approach to masculinity, which I found quite refreshing. https://us.macmillan.com/fortheloveofmen/lizplank/9781250196248
It offers a different approach to masculinity, which I found quite refreshing. https://us.macmillan.com/fortheloveofmen/lizplank/9781250196248
