I often tell myself that my life shouldn't be a cautionary tale, but I carry scars - some you see and some you don't. Some are buried deeply into my soul beyond my own insights. https://www.cernovich.com/43-for-43/ 

I’ve also had objective success in life that would have been incomprehensible to the fat, bullied, kid who grew up on food stamps. All of the banal success people desire, I’ve had. Now the spiritual side calls more as I lean into love with my family and the world.

I’ve taken hits that would have dropped most and am still standing.

Here’s what I learned along the way.

“Old too soon, wise too late.”

Why is it that you only truly figure out life just as your body starts the ride towards death? When you’re young and energetic, you don’t know anything. You think you do.

Most of the cliches are true. “Children grow up too quickly,” “Time gets away from you,” “Health is your highest form of wealth.” Don’t reject ancient wisdom because it’s old.

Probably the reason we don’t have wisdom in our youth (when we have infinite energy) is because WE’VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE AND DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO DAD AND MOM. And the Boomer Generation has its problems to be sure. Pick up the old books.

When I was 25, I had confidence that I understood the world. All of it. More patient older men would warmly indulge what I now realize was a grating and annoying personality. Other personal relationships were stressed as I insisted on conformity to a worldview that was naive.

Now much of my day is spent being told YOU’RE WRONG all day. Usually by young men. It’s karma.

When I was 35, I started to doubt myself. I knew a few things well, and stopped trying to be a know-it-all about everything. I began saying, “I don’t know,” often. Sometimes this would frustrate people as they’d think I was being dismissive or didn’t care.

As I close in on 45, I’m more more tolerant. “People believe goofy stuff.”Where as I used to want to dig in my heels and argue, now I say my piece and don’t really care if others agree with me.

Aligning vision and purpose is the greatest energy boost drug of all time. I have more energy at 43 than 23, even though I am objectively older and slower.

As a young man, I had a sense of what I wanted to do, but not really. I only wanted “success,” which meant chasing the dragon of whatever society told me success meant. As I’ve gotten older, if anything I downplay my accomplishments.

(Unless hyping a project, where you sorta have to lean into being a douchebag.)

Romantic love is a destructive modern innovation. You got the “love Jones for her body and her skin tone.” That’s nice. Date away. You’re marrying the mother or father of your children. You’re marrying into a family. Compatibility is what carries a relationship.

Romantic love is destructive because young people often delay marriage and family because they don’t feel butterflies. You are running out of time, and if you don’t want to have a family, totally cool with me. Not everyone wants or needs a family. But make it your choice.

Ask for help.Not everyone will be able to offer what you need, often because they need help but are too afraid to ask. Men in modern society think asking for help is weak. Not asking for help and finding yourself in a calamity is weak.