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Dear cis men: I am going to lay down some wisdom. Use it as a life lesson, I'm feeling ranty, so this will be a thread.
YOU are not the "smartest" in the room. I'm going to use smartest as shorthand for talented, skilled, qualified, flexible, analytical and just plain witty
YOU are not the "smartest" in the room. I'm going to use smartest as shorthand for talented, skilled, qualified, flexible, analytical and just plain witty
Chances are there are three women in the room who are "smarter" than you. Let's break down why.
From the beginning we are conditioned that we are not as strong, fast, quick witted, logical, brilliant as boys. This of course is utter horseshit.
From the beginning we are conditioned that we are not as strong, fast, quick witted, logical, brilliant as boys. This of course is utter horseshit.
We are expected to be quiet in class while little Johnny takes up all the space.
Which means in order to be heard, we had to get very good at what we are saying/doing/creating to compete with loud little Johnny making fart noises (and being rewarded for it), but do it quietly.
Which means in order to be heard, we had to get very good at what we are saying/doing/creating to compete with loud little Johnny making fart noises (and being rewarded for it), but do it quietly.
Do you know how hard it is to be twice as good as someone without calling too much attention to ourselves? We wrote the mfing book on stealth. Cause heaven forbid we brag or look conceited. That's a capital no-no for girls and women.
We also had to learn how to fit into impossible restraints. Even if we choose to buck those restraints, we still know what is expected of us, because we know society is right behind us waiting to rope us back into a tiny tidy box.
We even have to fight against our own who would rather back up your bullshit patriarchal fuckery to receive a scrap than do the righteous thing. Enter the Karens, unfortunately they are many. But we refuse to be assimilated by these Borg.
Even if our purpose in this life is to burn down this bullshit system, we know how to operate within it. Why? Because we are hypervigilant as fuck.
Not that this is a good thing because its traumatic, but we can pick up on a mood 60 times faster than you and react accordingly.
Not that this is a good thing because its traumatic, but we can pick up on a mood 60 times faster than you and react accordingly.
So when a woman in a movie says "let's get out of here" and her ridiculous boyfriend says "stop worrying" you know they're going to die. Her only mistake is letting thay buffoon convince her against her instincts.
But again, we are taught to listen to little fart joke Johnny!
But again, we are taught to listen to little fart joke Johnny!
I have to consider 40 different scenarios walking from the mall to my car. Is it isolated? Is it well lit? Are there people around? Am I armed? How fast can I load my packages and get in? Do I have my phone handy? We risk assess like this many times a day just for personal safety
I've had to do this since I was old enough to not be with my mom constantly...so...four?
Then we get to do this in our careers. Am I being too loud? Am I being strategic? Can I burn the bridge with this creepy asshole? Do I smack down this mediocre fuck even though he is somehow my boss? Is my boss looking at my breasts? Am I being paid on par as Johnny Fartjoke?
This makes us so adept at multitasking and while you're at step a, we've assessed a-m. To simply be at the table you are at, we've had to consistently do this for years and risk so much more. And then we are nitpicked to death for our troubles.
Which again, we have to dodge, deflect and destroy like we are an X-wing fighter pilot, if we ever want to do anything cool. On top of doing all the cool shit we actually want to do.
So before taking up 15 minutes in a meeting mansplaining to a woman, ask yourself "Am I actually "smarter" than her? Did I encounter half the bullshit she did to end up here with my charm and average knowledge?"
As I get older, I realize just how average most cis men I've encountered in my life have been. How they are propped up by women doing the heavy lifting and would not otherwise be here if not for them.
And I am blown away by how amazing women (excluding Karen's and TERFs) are. Like jaw dropping blown away, who not only balance this boulder of bullshit on their backs, but hold the door open for other women like the Incredible Hulk while doing so.
And let me be super clear, with every level of marginalization based on race, gender, ability, sexuality etc. women have another boulder of bullshit to balance.
So before saying "Yeah! Girl power!" Make sure you're not replicating that mediocre man sitting in your privilege, Karensplaining at the meeting, not understanding the bullshit Black or trans or disabled women have had to endure to sit at the table.
Cause frankly, I do not have the time or energy to listen to one more mediocre thought and will be more vigilant in letting Johnny Fartjoke know how unprovocative, unoriginal and so very average their next brilliant idea is.
And if you've made it to the end of my rant, congrats. Stay warm, stay safe, fuck up the white supremacist patriarchal bullshit that is Canada.
Apologies for typos, I got tired of revising.
Apologies for typos, I got tired of revising.
