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Let's do a thread on how to do Thanksgiving alone successfully for those of y'all who will be attempting it for the first time.
I have a lot of experience with this. I've gone home for Thanksgiving maybe twice since I was 17, I have been around this block many times and I'm happy to share some of the ways I do it.
The first thing before we get to anything else is to decide how you want to address it emotionally. Do you still want to see it as a big special day? Or do you want to pull back from the idea of a big holiday?
This may seem silly, but deciding what you want this day to be will go a long way. It's very possible the emotional stuff will be the hardest and you should do some prep work on that! Don't let it take you by surprise.
I hereby give you permission to not make Thanksgiving a Whole Thing if it will be easier for you. You can absolutely just treat it like any other day. Though if you take this approach I recommend turning off your phone, because social will constantly remind you what day it is.
I also hereby give you permission to make Thanksgiving a Whole Thing but a Different Whole Thing than you are used to. Building new traditions for yourself can be a really joyful thing.
After you make an emotional plan, it's time to make the actual plan. For many of us (including me) this is a food-based plan because that is our Thanksgiving happy place.
Do you want to cook or not is the first big question. I have done both. If you don't cook, you can go two ways. 1) Takeout or a pre-prepped meal. 2) Dirtbag.
1) There are lots of places where you can legit order a Thanksgiving meal for a set number of people. You need to get on that ASAP, especially this year. Know going in that it will be different than your usual food if your family usually cooks and make sure you're okay with that.
The other approach to takeout is just to treat yourself to a big ass takeout meal that you normally wouldn't. For several years I ordered a multi-course "Feast" from a local Indian restaurant that I would gorge on for days, it was truly splendid.
Check in advance who's going to be open on Thanksgiving so you can plan ahead. Getting your heart set on one restaurant that will be closed will be a real downer and our whole thing here is to protect yourself from that.
2) Dirtbag Thanksgiving is beautiful and I have done it more than any other. Now I will admit to you my personal Dirtbag routine, which tells you just how much I love y'all.
Yes, I do this, but the thing I usually don't admit is that I also buy myself a box of Stove Top stuffing which my family would be horrified by but tastes like the stuffing we ate in the school cafeteria, which I always loved. https://twitter.com/jessicaesquire/status/1200037206607454211
If you are going to cook, remember you don't have to make a turkey or any of the usual Thanksgiving stuff. If it'll be just you or a small group, plan appropriately. Pick your favorite ones or make something totally different.
My strategy here is to make something I usually don't have the time or patience to make. It's how I ended up making Spaghetti & Meatballs for Christmas dinner. And how now I make Gumbo on Thanksgiving. Make something you love, an indulgence.
Now, if you aren't going to make a food-based plan, then make sure you have some other things you are going to treat yourself with that day. A bubble bath! A nap! Find some decadent things you can do for yourself.
If you are usually with family and your family sucks, this is gonna be weird and complicated and yeah I totally get that. Give yourself some room for the weird complicated reactions you may have and don't get mad at yourself for it.
If you always see family and this will be first time away, let yourself be sad. And you do not have to cram all your sad into just one day. You may actually be better getting most of it out ahead of time, it's always a little better after a big cry.
DO make a plan for how to talk to your family. Do you want to do a Zoom together? Do you want to FaceTime while you eat? Do you want to talk later in the day because you know you'll get upset? Do you want to talk more than once?
And then do NOT apologize for your emotions. Not to your family or to yourself or anyone else. Sometimes a big milestone like this brings a lot of pent up emotions to the surface and it is okay. You are doing great.
I hope this is helpful for everyone. I have come to really enjoy my solo Thanksgiving over the years, I like it a lot more than the ones I went to at other people's houses that just reminded me I wasn't at my own house.
And do not worry I will be on here next Thursday for extra support, in between gumbo-making and tv-watching and pumpkin-pie-eating. <3
And shout out to everyone who also loves Stove Top stuffing without shame.
