question for other people who got good grades, no drug history, & no criminal record but constantly felt they were doing something wrong under strict parents: how old were you when you realized that, on a sliding scale, you were actually very easy to raise

I have a theory that parental harshness has 0% to do w/ the kid, & 100% to do w/ what they believe the nature of children to be

like, if you believe kids are essentially potential thugs/sinners, you're going to parent a potential thug/sinner, no matter what kid you actually got

A lot of strict parents have NO CLUE what to do w/ an *actually rebellious* kid. They're so used to respectful kids who cower, they have no system in place for when that respect is lost.

I figured this out in my late teens. I calmly said "no" to an order, blinked through the yelling, then didn't do the thing. Aside from weeks of silent treatments intended to chafe me...no consequences. At all. I remember thinking, "What if I'd wanted to do something dangerous?"

That's when I realized what had mainly kept me safe for years wasn't protective parents, but my own good sense. Ironically, if they'd admitted "ultimately, we can't control you, but hear us out" rather than bluffing "you WILL do this thing" they would've had sway over me longer.

even with a good kid, parenting is hard

but harshly parenting a mostly unworrisome kid is like buying a challenging game of your own free will, playing it on the easiest level, and then bellyaching about how bad the game is

to be fair, 1 parent now regularly acknowledges I was an easy kid, though it took me being a pre-k to BA honor student, graduating college at 19, & a virgin on my wedding day before they did so

the other parent thinks I could STILL be a wildling, maybe, BETTER KEEP AN EYE ON IT