- toxic positivity -

Have you heard of toxic positivity? Yes I said toxic positivity. I was also surprised when I found out that such actually exists because in my mind I was thinking "how the hell can you be positive but toxic?".

So toxic positivity is the assumption, either by one’s self or others, that despite a person’s emotional pain or difficult situation, they should only have a positive mindset.

Examples: "positive vibes only"

"Look on the bright side"

"Just change your outlook to be happy"

"Always remain positive even when you're going through tough things"

So basically with toxic positivity, negative emotions are seen as inherently bad. Instead, positivity and happiness are compulsively pushed, and authentic human emotional experiences are denied, minimized, or invalidated.

I think that by saying to a person "always remain positive even through tough times" somehow invalidates the person's feelings about a certain situation they are going through. You are allowed to feel those negative feelings when you're going through the most. Let's be realistic,

we are not always going to be positive, there are events that'll happen around us that are beyond our control. Let them feel what they are feeling, probably in the meantime it would be up to them to come up with a plan or something.

Not everyone copes with stress by getting busy or "looking out at the bright side", for many people these messages of "be productive", "learn a new language or how to cook", "start a side hustle" are harmful, leading to increased feelings of depression and anxiety.

It's okay not to be okay, its normal.

So how do we deal with toxic positivity?
1. Avoid ignoring or suppressing your emotions.
Acknowledge how you feel and feel all of your emotions, good or bad. Sit with them and write about them. Writing about them reduces the intensity of emotions such as sadness, anger and guilt

Personally it works for me always and when I put it into words, I can see a pattern and try to solve what exactly is going on.

2. Listen and validate how others feel, even when it's different than how you feel.

Dont shame others for their emotions, It’s really important to acknowledge that others may not cope with things the same way you do.

3. Remember it's ok not to be ok

4. Remember that feelings aren't mutually exclusive.
In other words, for example, you can be sad about losing your job and be hopeful about finding a new job in the future.

5. Be realistic.
If you want to feel productive, start with small, actionable steps.

6. Recognize toxic positivity messages.
"Positive vibes only", "choose happiness" etc.

Remember, what makes positivity toxic is that it dismisses other genuine emotions, so you dont have to engage with it.<3