this is the daily reminder that gender is, and always had been, fluid

because as some folks would say, we don't possess gender, we perform it (Judith Butler). Meaning, we can make it habitual to the point that it feels natural, but we can also break from those roles, manipulate them, make them something new.

and this is why it is important to affirm gender presentation and gender identity as people define it for themselves, but also recognize that this does not mean someone must remain static in their gender positions and presentation. both exist at once.

and this is why we don't ever accuse folks who are gender fluid, non-binary, trans, 2S, intersex, and folks who otherwise range the gender spectrum of lying or being disingenuous. gender may be, at its root, malleable for them.

as it is for all of us, but some expressions of gender fluidity - particularly performed by a cis person, are accepted and normalized (ie. women in suits) while others are not (ie. men in skirts) bc patriarchy and bc transmisogyny and bc social devaluation of femininity

there are full layers of misogynoir and racism that also feed into this always. recognizing that trans Black women have such a low life expectancy because of transmisogynoir and outright violence and attack against them because they are Trans Black Women, specifically.

there's no 'separation point' between misogyny and racism, where we can hold them up and inspect them separately. my experiences of misogyny are informed by my whiteness and cis-ness, and cannot stand in for or be see as a 'common root' with transmisogynoir.

because that assumption assumes that whiteness is the normal circumstance of gender-based attack and oppression. that we can all be Kumbaya sisterhood because we all experience misogyny. When this does not critically analyze whiteness AT ALL and takes it as a given.

it holds white women as the universal subject of gender oppression, which hinders any approach to actually analyzing the terms of patriarchy in a nuanced or complex way, because we are not critically analyzing and troubling whiteness.

and importantly, it lets me off the hook for engaging in (trans)misogynoir, it is an inappropriate grab at innocence by refusing to hold myself accountable to the way whiteness and white women, specifically, have enforced the terms of patriarchal terror for BIPOC and/ trans women

so in sum, gender is fluid, affirm the gender expression others term for themselves, do the ongoing necessary work of implicating yourself in the terms of gender oppression, even and especially if you experience one shade of it.