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Life has many defining moments. Marriage, birth of our children, loss of loved ones, career achievements and much more.
This thread is very personal but it is a story that needs to be told as today marks 7 years since one positive change in my life (not that I knew it then).
This thread is very personal but it is a story that needs to be told as today marks 7 years since one positive change in my life (not that I knew it then).
This time 7 years ago I had allows myself to drift into a situation where I was being bullied. I had been billed most of my childhood and when it started again as I commenced my career in the Civil Service I successfully took steps to stop it then worked to help other victims.
I had henceforth had a pretty happy career. I made good progress and enjoyed my work including three secondments to the former Foreign & Commonwealth office which I aspired to join permanently from my then parent department. At 44 I thought bullying was behind me, I was wrong.
In this case the situation started gradually. Looking back I feel I was being conditioned - as it was incremental and as I was in a demanding role I did not really notice. But over a number of months the situation got worse and worse and impacted on my in ways I could not see.
Nevertheless my family could, I was a changed person. It had affected every faster of my life. My self confidence & self worth esteem, relationships with my wife & children, my energy levels. Some days I would fight to get out of bed; this despite my last sick day being in 2005.
Looking back I was a broken person. In the space of a year I had gone from being diagnosed with #dyspraxia and understanding a lot more about my earlier difficult experiences in life to a shell of a person who was living from one day to the next and doubting my every decision.
A particularly unpleasant event occurred a year ago yesterday. For reasons of confidentiality I shall not share the details but it did mean the insomnia I was suffering from throughout this experience was particularly acute. I sat up all night writing a letter to my tormentor.
It was a very long letter but it felt good to write it and good to read it back. And then there was the dinner party that took place that evening at our new house (yes we had moved amid all this going on and then got burgled but that is another story).
My guests that night were all colleagues who I had cause to thank for different reasons. It was supposed to be a celebration but when they came I remember talking about the situation I was in, indeed I showed the first arrival my letter....
Don’t send it they had told me, you can’t send it, and they were right. But is was not about sending it, it was about writing it and waking up to my situation. It made me think back to help I had given others in the past. What had I advised them I I realised I must now do myself.
And so I began to keep a diary. A detailed record of every incident, who might have witnessed it, and MOST IMPORTANTLY how it made me feel. And I benefitted from knowing that others at least had the situation on their radar.
I made a U turn that night, I slowly regained my strength and drew on the support of a few close friends as difficult times continued in the office. In parallelI also felt able to begin sharing with the experts supporting me to understand my dyspraxia, @RichTea_ND & his wife.
Over the next 4 months I both gathered evidence, shared my ongoing experiences with a supportive network and managed to successfully pass the necessary assessment to move into the Foreign Office as has been my dream since my first secondment back in 2001.
It was not an easy time as the situation at work remained difficult but I was ultimately able to take up my case following internal processes and achieve a satisfactory outcome. I was also able to secure my next assignment in Nigeria which in turn led me on to Hyderabad.
So going back to my photo, 3 colleagues & my wife helped me so much - it is hard to fight bullying in isolation so it is all the more important to watch out for those around us. Be ready to help. It can strike anywhere, work, school or 
.
So please
out for yourself & others.
.So please
out for yourself & others.
