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I don't know who needs to hear this, but... Sometimes I get jealous of people who have accomplished so much by the time they're 30. And I feel bad about myself for not having accomplished what-all even now. (comparison is a bitch, yes?). And then I remember that...
A) that’s being ageist against my own self. Dumb.
B)Evangelical fundamentalist patriarchy is a hell of a thing to come out of. Took me most of my 20’s to do it. If actively teaches women/girls to be unconfident and mistrust themselves.
C) it’s taken me most of my 30’s to even start to believe that I matter and have anything worthy to say/do/write. (See item B).
D) I had two babies I stayed home with for 7 years (see item B). Which wasn't great for my mental health, but they are pretty rad so I guess that's a win? (There's all kinds of ways to do it - no judgement. I'd do a lot differently in hindsight.)⠀
E) Said not-currently-babies have, once again, been home full time since March. A needy bunch, those ones. ⠀
F) oh right I don’t believe in productivity culture anymore
So, here I am, in my late 30's. Finally believing in myself and living in liberation from programming and patriarchy and mom-guilt and success culture. I write and pastor. I play music and preach. I care for myself and others. I rest.
I've written one book and am working on the next (and the next). And it's all just fine and I am right where I need to be. So are you, if you're wondering.⠀
