I asked a senior lecturer (now in a professorial chair) what the “issue”with black applicants was and she replied, with a straight face, “it’s the interview process”. She alluded to the fact that white raced counterparts appear more “excited” about their research proposals. https://twitter.com/bbcnews/status/1328488916614262786

Yes, during the duration of that conversation the underlying subtext was that white prospective students are simply not trying to impress their prospective supervisor, and as a result, they appear more “relaxed”, are able to show a “genuine passion” for their research proposal.

Is there truth to what she was saying? Probably. If you have spent the majority of your life (re)packaging yourself to be considered palatable for the establishment, then you will “perform” during the interview. It impacts what you wear; where you look; how long you pause between

q’s; how you pivot; how you lace background research. Indeed, the performance of astuteness warps and transforms into a grim performance of disingenuousness. All the coping mechanisms you have learned to embody; the tools that have elevated you from your position of trauma

suddenly become markers of a perceived superficiality. To me this presents two positions: 1) the racialised body is “always in a state of continuous (un)becoming” [I’m citing my thesis which treads a dialogue with Stuart hall, Harvey Young, etc] either, we should

consider ways in which to concretise the (Black) racialised body in preparation of white consumption, or indeed, transform the perceived mechanisms of the projected cookie cutter. The answer is not saturation and it’s not exposure. Believe it or not, some of those who serve as

gatekeepers are some of the most radical, “woke”, and socially engaged folks. 2) How do we expect genuine human interaction with bodies whose humanity has constantly been the subject of contention vis a vis a white embodiment, where their personhood recedes to the shadows

And they affect a palatable iteration of themselves?

And yeah, whilst I do recognise that any high staked event creates the conditions for the hyper-performance of the “self”, I guess what I’m asking/ working through is whether that event should be the barometer for gatekeeping in the first place. Hmm.

The sheer number of typos let’s me know that l should really stop tweeting at 2am.

In the spirit of “cite it loud, cite it proud, cite it right”. @LeadingRoutes first broke the story last year and you should really check out their body of work. I know l will. https://twitter.com/londonmetequity/status/1328636208784797699