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Yet another day in the life of CEO VicForests
8.15am. Genuflect at the revolving sign in our foyer. Spinning on its axis quite well now!
It gets oiled regularly, supplemented with the tears of environmental activists. Of this we're guaranteed a constant supply.
8.15am. Genuflect at the revolving sign in our foyer. Spinning on its axis quite well now!
It gets oiled regularly, supplemented with the tears of environmental activists. Of this we're guaranteed a constant supply.
8.30am. Zoom meeting with VicForests lawyers.
No, I'm not telling you what was discussed! Not least because I find it fiendishly difficult to keep track of all the court cases we are currently facing.
No, I'm not telling you what was discussed! Not least because I find it fiendishly difficult to keep track of all the court cases we are currently facing.
Five at last count.
-Warburton Environment
- Friends of Leadbeaters Possum
- Wildlife of the Central Highlands
- Kinglake Friends of the Forest Ă2
At least I don't have to worry about who is paying for these lawyers.
-Warburton Environment
- Friends of Leadbeaters Possum
- Wildlife of the Central Highlands
- Kinglake Friends of the Forest Ă2
At least I don't have to worry about who is paying for these lawyers.
I just don't understand these activists.
Why go to all this effort and expense?
They *say* it is to protect not only the forests, but all the unique animals and plants which live there. And ultimately, the ability of this planet to support life.
Why go to all this effort and expense?
They *say* it is to protect not only the forests, but all the unique animals and plants which live there. And ultimately, the ability of this planet to support life.
One day I'll work out their angle.
10.00am. Visit the Creative Writing Room. My loyal Head of Corporate Affairs has been busily toiling at the coalface of social media. That's how you describe sending out those tweet things, right?
Anyway, have a look:
10.00am. Visit the Creative Writing Room. My loyal Head of Corporate Affairs has been busily toiling at the coalface of social media. That's how you describe sending out those tweet things, right?
Anyway, have a look:
'What will we tweet about next?' I ask.
'Hmm,' he replies, his face darkening. 'I'm running out of social causes we can try to cynically co-opt'.
'What about motherhood?' I suggest. 'We're yet to put out an actual motherhood statement, to accompany all the other ones we've done'
'Hmm,' he replies, his face darkening. 'I'm running out of social causes we can try to cynically co-opt'.
'What about motherhood?' I suggest. 'We're yet to put out an actual motherhood statement, to accompany all the other ones we've done'
He likes this idea and comes up with this:
'VicForests would like to take a moment to acknowledge all the mothers in Australia. We are proud to supply the appearance grade timber for their kitchens, to enhance the joy they experience as they cook dinner for their families.'
'VicForests would like to take a moment to acknowledge all the mothers in Australia. We are proud to supply the appearance grade timber for their kitchens, to enhance the joy they experience as they cook dinner for their families.'
I must look a little dubious, since he adds: 'We could limit the replies, like we did on the Acknowledgement of Country tweet'.
'Did that work well?'
'Oh yes. Lots of people responded strongly to the tweet just for that alone.'
As I've said before, he is a genius.
'Did that work well?'
'Oh yes. Lots of people responded strongly to the tweet just for that alone.'
As I've said before, he is a genius.
This discussion buoys me for what is to follow: a meeting with the Premier.
Unlike the Minister for Agriculture, he can't be easily fobbed off. His saving grace: he has as much contempt for environmental causes as I do.
Unlike the Minister for Agriculture, he can't be easily fobbed off. His saving grace: he has as much contempt for environmental causes as I do.
Time: 12.00pm (high noon).
Location: The Premier's Office.
Participants: Moi (M), the Premier (P), and a harried looking assistant taking notes.
P: Look, about these tweets VicForests have been sending out ...
M: Yes?
P: What are you trying to achieve?
Location: The Premier's Office.
Participants: Moi (M), the Premier (P), and a harried looking assistant taking notes.
P: Look, about these tweets VicForests have been sending out ...
M: Yes?
P: What are you trying to achieve?
