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“How did you reconcile your faith and sexuality?” I get asked this question a lot. And the simple answer is I didn’t.
Reconciliation implies at some point I was welcome. It implies a return to something, a reconnection. That’s not what I experienced.
Reconciliation implies at some point I was welcome. It implies a return to something, a reconnection. That’s not what I experienced.
The truth is there is no where and no one to return to. I was never there. They never knew me.
Who I am was never welcome there, and do the real me never showed up, just the version I needed to be.
They never met me because likely they’d have distanced themselves from me.
Who I am was never welcome there, and do the real me never showed up, just the version I needed to be.
They never met me because likely they’d have distanced themselves from me.
My faith, if anything, evolved beyond the spaces and people I once hoped to “reconcile” with.
I don’t reconcile with unrepentant abusers. I don’t need a faith that condemns people to eternal torture and, even worse, allows for it in life.
I don’t reconcile with unrepentant abusers. I don’t need a faith that condemns people to eternal torture and, even worse, allows for it in life.
I can’t reconcile with people who will say they love me but always keep me separate, in body or mind, from them because my gender falls outside of their binary thinking.
And frankly, you can’t reconcile a 21st century view of human sexuality and gender with a 2000 year old collection of books that has no standard of equitable relationships to report of and no clear edict to include folks like me.
So no, I didn’t reconcile my faith with my sexuality.
I let my faith expand to the point where it included every part of my human experience, enveloping and affirming my sexuality and gender without having to do any theological gymnastics or bullshit of the sort.
I let my faith expand to the point where it included every part of my human experience, enveloping and affirming my sexuality and gender without having to do any theological gymnastics or bullshit of the sort.
I didn’t reconcile because I was only separated from God in my mind. The belief I had to let go of was that it was even possible that God would leave me, disown me, hate me, see me as separate. That’s what men do.
God is not a man that She would lie.
I think this is where a lot of folks in deconstruction get stuck. We think we have to get something back that we lost, when really we need to mourn what we never had. We were in love with an illusion. We believed a lie.
Do not expect life after deconstruction to be the same as it was before. In fact, watch out for the tendency to create structure again. Try to find a path instead of a system, a way of being instead of a mental exercise in theories that don’t ultimately matter.
What should you expect?
Something better. Because that’s what is coming your way.
Stick with it babe. You’re doing just fine.
Something better. Because that’s what is coming your way.
Stick with it babe. You’re doing just fine.
