Keir Starmer is on Radio 4 speaking about his sympathy and support for the government. He’s talking about his speaking skills. With that voice. He claims his team hasn’t helped him choose his songs. First choice Dobie Gray: Out on the Floor #desertislanddiscs

He’s so boring. He is refusing to comment about lifting Corbyn’s suspension and the EHRC report. 2nd song: Beethoven Symphony #6 What a dreary twat #desertislanddiscs

Sorry I got that wrong but I don’t care. But his Dad was a toolmaker. There is a joke in there somewhere. Third song Jim Reeves: welcome to my world. He’s gaslighting the Caribbean community. He knows the painful mornings we had to clean skirting boards to this shit.

He was a member of the East Surrey Young Socialists . He went to Leeds University. Fourth Song: Orange Juice - Falling and Laughing. Imagine how awful a party at his house must be #desertislanddiscs

He sat doing nothing whilst his flat was being robbed. A glimpse into the future. He sits doing nothing as the Tories rob the country. He claims he’s learnt the power of saying, ‘I don’t know.’ He should’ve said it when they asked him to run for leader.

Fifth Song: Oh Happy Day - Edward Hawkins Singers

Starmer is talking about Ian Tomlinson now. Yikes. And the criticism he faced as DPP.

He’s now chosen ‘Three Lions’ featuring David Baddiel. So many comments I could make #DesertIslandDiscs

Keir still considers himself a socialist. Track 7 More Beethoven.

He says he would find it hard to survive alone on a desert island. I’m sure everyone else would cope. Keith is a veggie. I never knew!!

Last track: Bridge Over Troubled Water - Artists for Grenfell featuring Stormzy. He’s totally gaslighting now #DesertIslandDiscs

Bye Sir Drear. Thanks for that.