Thread by @LidsRodney, I don’t know how to explain to you the physical, emotional and [...]

I don’t know how to explain to you the physical, emotional and spiritual toll it takes on you when you don’t feel safe. When you spend a long time not feeling safe.

There’s a lot of reasons someone can feel in danger like this, and it’s not always being in open warfare.

For some, it’s a relationship. For some, it’s poverty, and/or being a target of systematic bigotry.

This presidency amplified that feeling for a lot of marginalized folx.

Feeling safe is the most fundamental need for human beings. The shit a lack of safety can do to you is insidious. The long-term stress can cause real emotional problems, relationship difficulties, cognitive struggles, and physical health issues.

I talked a lot about Phoenix, but what I didn’t talk much about was how I could not feel safe around him. And I didn’t do that because the reasons for it were really complicated and not ever, ever understood by anyone else.

And they weren’t entirely his fault, as that shit goes. A lot of the danger came from how others treated him, and us, and the effect that had on both of us, to the point where I couldn’t feel safe around MYSELF.

But I didn’t feel safe before I met him, either, for a lot of reasons. I haven’t felt safe—physically or emotionally—since I can remember.

Trump made it worse. Trump made it worse for A LOT of us—compounding an issue that was already there.

I’m in a position now where it’s possible for me to try to build a foundation of safety so that I can really grow.

And I don’t know how to describe how profound that feels.

The problem with that constant level of danger is you adjust to it. It’s background noise

These stress becomes ingrained in you so deep that it affects every thought, action, reaction in ways you don’t always notice.

Even in times when the danger isn’t clearly present, you still feel it.

It literally changes people’s dna and becomes generational.

So much of the anger and hurt in the world comes simply from this: so many of us don’t feel safe.

And so many others truly don’t understand what that means.

All of us have some level of stress in our lives. But a lot of the people I see out in the streets waving Trump flags—they don’t really understand.

So many people, when they talk about threats to their safety, they don’t mean actual threats to their safety.

They mean discomfort: discomfort with immigrants and people of color in their neighborhoods. Discomfort with trans people in their bathrooms. Discomfort with their neighbors having abortions or a different belief system.

Discomfort with the idea that someone else might topple the image they have of themselves as a superior person who deserves the privileges they enjoy.

And it is so exhausting to deal with that shit when your actual safety is at risk. It is so infuriating.

The thing about long term stress like this—trauma, is what it is—is that it can make us react in ways that are contrary to our best interests too. It can cause us to self destruct.

I just don’t know how to make people understand what complex trauma feels like.

I wish I could make people feel safe. I wish I could pass on the beginnings of this feeling I have that, contrary to everything I’ve ever been taught, everything I’ve ever believed, I’m not broken. I’m whole, and it’s possible for me to move forward and grow. Joy is possible.

I wish SO HARD that I could pass this feeling on, or at least convince others that it is possible for them to feel that way.

Life will never be without danger. Some of us are in more danger than others. However, it is possible for all of us to find pockets of safety.

I hope everyone can escape any toxic and stressful situations they’re in.

I hope those of us who can will fight for society to provide that safety to everyone and protect people’s humanity and autonomy.

Take care of yourselves, and each other.

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