Half of this is...actually terrible advice? https://twitter.com/nymag/status/1327721445741432832

It avoids key questions, like, "who have you spoken to about this? Are you venting to your coworkers, or have you scheduled a meeting with your boss to hash it out?" Justified toxicity is still toxic.

Based on the article, some pretty horrific things have happened to the person who should be asking these questions, and I agree that there's no excuse for a boss who watches their employees drown. But...

...there's a two way street element to this, no matter how much external trauma we're dealing with. Sometimes, the elephant in the room is the elephant inside your head, because coworkers necessarily deal with stress differently.

They're not *experiencing* YOUR (key!) stress, which means that they can't be expected to empathize with you to the extent that some sort of organic culture shift will just happen because it needs to happen.

So, sometimes these things require an actual conversation where you ask for help reprioritizing, or ask for an intern, or just touch base. Communicate.

THIS is the three-pronged fork in the road where you decide whether or not your workplace is

1. Healthy and normal, but hectic (you are the problem, girl)
2. tipping toward chaos but salvageable (everyone contributes), or
3. Toxic (they are the problem)

I have worked in the middle of #3. Sausage grinder of a firm. You either fell in line, or endured until the emotional abuse drove you out or drove you to A Conversation that ended with a box full of your possessions arriving at your doorstep a few days later.

When I say "fell in line," I mean, TOTALLY fell in line. Those who stayed were mostly those who started there with their first job out of school. They didn't know how much of what happened to them wasn't normal.

In that case you just have to run. But...it sticks with you.

#2 is harder to deal with because it requires professionalism AND honesty AND leaning in and asking for the change that's best for yourself and the team. Discernment isn't always easy under pressure.

#1 is the absolute worst, because EVEN IF you're dealing with trauma, or high stress, or inherent job pressure, that means you have a decision to make.

A work environment doesn't suddenly ~become toxic~ because an employee's personal circumstances change. It could become toxic due to mismanagement, etc, but that's a separate thing.

I clearly take issue with the framing of the whole thing. It assumes way too much.

Long story short: it has been a long, hard year. Show grace, even if they haven't earned it. If it isn't working, and nothing you do seems to help, show *yourself* a little grace and find something new. The right fit does exist, I promise.