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Thread on interactions as an #autistic individual. A few different things over the last couple of weeks have been making me think about how I deal, or more accurately don't, with people. As always this is only a personal reflection on being #ActuallyAutistic . 1/
I just don't understand how to do things like small talk. I try, but by God it is exhausting. It's this weird thing of wanting desperately to be able to interact with people the way I see others do, and being utterly knackered by doing so. 2/
It's hard to just say it is one thing though. I can talk confidently in topics I know. I can speak in front of audiences, attend panels, give interviews etc no problem. Well, okay I'm shattered afterwards, but I can do it. 3/
Dealing with personal topics though, not so much. I can handle people attacking me over my support for asylum seekers, that goes with the job. I understand it. Trying to make sense of personal drama though, not a chance. I worry and stress about even little things for months. 4/
Online and off I react by trying to minimise my exposure to situations where I have to face that. I don't trust my own communication when trying to be "normal" not to upset people or be misinterpreted. So I hide away effectively. 5/
When you want to be the person who has fun at the party and you know you're the person who even sees the kitchen as too much pressure it can get pretty depressing. Please for God's sake, this is meant to be an informative thread that some may relate to, not me whining though. 6/
I re-run every conversation I have, repeatedly. I still get upset and anxious about ones which took places 6 months ago, or even 20 years ago. I very rarely mean to upset people and genuinely live in fear of doing so during social interactions. 7/
Listening to others, I get the feeling this isn't exactly unusual, and the reason so many of autistic persons get attacked or bullied in our lives. Sometimes it just takes a little understanding from people that it isn't that we don't "want" to engage. It's that we can't. 8/
We have to close ourselves off to protect ourselves. People can find that, understandably, hard to understand. It makes them feel slighted. It's not meant to. It's self preservation based on our lived experience. Hopefully more people will start to recognise this. 9/
Should also add, when you know people understand it doesn't remove all the worries, but it does help. I have met wonderful people and made friends on and offline who get that. They know sometimes talking is too much. That's so important and those people make a huge impact. 10/
Sorry, one other tangential point on #autistic persons and self-protection. I talk, a lot, about autism and have a permanent fear that it may harm my future career prospects. That's the problem, until people start to understand more about it then there is a stigma. 11/
Autism doesn't stop me being good at my job. I have great friends, on and offline, a wife who I love with all my heart. My life is fairly average in most ways. Despite my fears about what talking about autism may do, I do believe, partly out of self-protection.... 12/
That the only way to ensure it doesn't have negative impacts is by talking about and raising awareness. I hope neurotypical individuals will read these tweets and realise that we don't need to be kept at arms length. We just need a little understanding of our different needs. 13/
