I've started saying no to every invitation, including events by Zoom. It's impossible to know what the future will hold with this virus, and I don't want to be in debt with my future time in ways that leave me unable to cope, respond or rest as the pandemic will necessitate.

I also want the space to want to read something or have a friend or colleague say on any given date “Do you want to talk?” without having to say, “Sorry I agreed to something three months ago, and now I don’t have time.”

This is something I have struggled with for years: Saying yes to things that sound interesting in the future, and then not having time to or space to respond to life when that time rolls around bc I am in debt to obligations. The pandemic has made the impetus to fill time

even worse, and it's made the idea of free time harder to cordon off. But we need more free time, as much as we can muster, to cope with the unknowns and the crushing weight of the unknowns. And for those doing computer work, we need all the non-screen time we can get.

Therapy has helped me say no more. But as everything—EVERYTHING—has to be scheduled via a computer, I don’t want to schedule months or years out. I want to schedule no more than a week or a day out or not at all, and to have space for whatever spontaneity is possible.

So if I ask you if you want to do something (personally or professionally) with just a few days or hours or minutes notice, pls don’t feel like I’m disrespecting your time—I’m respecting it more. I’m trying to not lock us into something too far off. (And I won’t press on a no!)

For me, what makes sense, is to look at short horizons. I remember when death was raining all around in NYC in the spring, and the toll it took to respond to grieving friends. As rates rise nationally, I can't cope by pretending things are normal...

...I can't look far into the future and feel comfortable by having things on my horizon scheduled. That doesn't make me feel more prepared. What feels better to me (others cope differently) is to do less, rest more & have time available to pivot as the pandemic will demand.

The way it felt impossible to cancel anything in the spring (the NBA, the Met, school, work), it feels impossible to cancel far-away plans. But we can adapt to anything.