Speaking as an adult with autism, i feel like if there’s one piece of advice i can give to non-autistic family and friends of people with autism is this: /Communication/ is always Important in any relationship, but especially so when someone has difficulty reading non-verbal cues

This is mostly due to a conversation i had with my mom, but very few people talk about the effects growing up with autism can have on a person: mainly, the anxiety, the depression, the social fears.

As you grow up, you have to navigate your trouble reading people... it’s a natural adaptation, and doctors often praise it. You cover for what you lack with hyperawareness and constant analysis of people’s words and actions, deducing someone’s mood through various minutia.

The problem is this hyperawareness often inevitably lends to built in anxiety, over-assumptions (frustration feels like anger, for example) and second guessing what you say, what other people say. It can quickly lead to a terrible time, quite often.

Anxiety is a fucked up survival mechanism: it’s from the part of your brain telling you there’s a sign that says danger, but when you can’t read the sign all the similarly shaped signs feel like danger as well.

So here’s the issue: when an autistic person cares about someone who does not share their feelings verbally or expects a silent awareness of their moods/needs, those signs start showing up. ‘Something is wrong, i do not know what it is, but it must be my fault’

Which will persist in that relationship without fail, unless said person is inclined to meet in the middle and communicate (like ANY mature adult should be doing in the first place) their feelings/needs.

These are lessons we’re taught in kindergarten: explain how you are feeling, set your boundaries, talk to your friends if you need something. but an alarming amount of adults throw those lessons out the window.

It’s kind of ridiculous, really. One of the best possible ways you can maintain a healthy relationship with /anyone/ is communication, but it’s honestly critical for someone’s health if they have autism.