I’d be the biggest fraud if I talked shit or did anything other than love everyone

Why?

Imagine being 310 pounds, insecure, but captain of your college football team

And unusual position for insecurity, due to all the inherent popularity

But still.. I was nobody to myself

My whole life, ‘friends’ had picked on me for not being as aesthetic as my parents and their vibe

What my friends didn’t know was that my only desire was to BE aesthetic, which you could hear in my music as a kid

The beauty was there, internally, but I couldn’t SEE or FIND it!

Legitimate torture

I hadn’t the self-love to be able to see the positive things within me

All I saw was where I lacked

Created an ego that focused fundamentally on what I did not have

Even worse?

I’d learned narcissistic tendency from my dad, to hate myself vehemently

So, I hated myself for not being able to become what I could feel was within me, because I couldn’t see it due to how reactive my mind was and how needy it was, given how badly I wanted to be beautiful & aesthetic haha

But then, one day after college, something clicked, man

Maybe it was a breakthrough on LSD

I’m still figuring it out

Heightened positivity flooded my consciousness for at least a full year, and within that year, I lost 100 pounds and became a fitness model

My confidence went from -1 to +11

Was living in NYC at the time

Tinder existed, could get with literally any girl I wanted, and did that for a while

Before ending up with a supermodel

...but I was not yet a man

My confidence wasn’t noble or graceful.. it was false bravado..

She left me. Hurt a lot.

And it was around that time that I realized I had a lot of work to do, to be the good man whom I was remembering I wanted to be

So I moved to Montana

Started over

Found real grace

Then found an angel, and together, we made our own

Be true to yourself and don’t give up, man