Supposing that Donald Trump does the obvious thing and starts his own podcast in 2021, this is a thread dedicated to his ads for sponsors:

Trump: "BlueChew? Now, I don't know what guy needs this stuff. Not me. Never. But this big guy, tough guy, he said 'Sir, I need help pleasing my wife.' I told him, get this blue stuff.

I wish it was red though. Not a fan of blue."

Trump: "Omaha Steaks... You get your cook to them as burnt as you like. They taste good with ketchup. But Omaha, it voted for Sleepy Joe. Can you believe that? Anyway, buy their steaks. They're good if you can't get to a McDonald's."

Trump: "Blue Apron! These guys send food to you and then you can have your wife cook them for you I guess. Suburban women love them! If you're afraid of you know who moving into your suburbs, have your food delivered so you can feed your husbands."

Trump: "Squarespace will get you all the web stuff you need. Right there on the internet. Think of good squares, like Wyoming, which I won bigly and not like Colorado, which hates the troops."

Trump: "Take it from me, you need to get on Legalzoom. Trust me, I have had some bad lawyers. So many bad lawyers. These monsters, they're mostly Democrats you know. If you can't get Rudy, get Legalzoom."

Trump: "Want to finish a book but not into reading? Get Audible.

Wait, Amazon owns Audible? Ok, if you want fake news, listen to books on Audible."

Trump: "Need to send a letter and you want my guy Louis to deliver it in under a month? Use http://Stamps.com . It's genius. If you don't use http://Stamps.com , your letter might not arrive until my birthday."

Trump: "Rocket Mortgage? Have you heard these guys? Mortgage rates were so good when I was President. You could buy a house for a nickel to start. Now it's impossible unless you use Rocket Mortgage. It's so sad what's happened to houses. So sad."