Read on Twitter
"But Elle!" they cry "you were such an amazing student why are you not still in academia????"
to which I'd like to say: what you call being an amazing student was actually doing so much cocaine
to which I'd like to say: what you call being an amazing student was actually doing so much cocaine
Untreated ADHD, undiagnosed mental illnesses, unhealthy coping methods to deal with physical pain and sickness--all of that plus trauma and sexual assault/harassment defined my time in higher education and I'm finally at the point where I can see quitting academia = success
I've been thinking about it lately, how my life has been defined by the "unrealized potential" narrative; how I'd learned to make bringing myself to the point of complete collapse look entirely effortless, giving the impression I was capable of doing so much more
"You had so much potential!" No, I really didn't. I was at the frayed end of my already-unraveling mental/physical rope but I masked it well enough to get by and people ended up seeing a pretty, insecure, vulnerable, smart young woman (ugh) who could shoulder all their illusions
The whole "potential" trope is so harmful and I'm only now coming to understand how much it hurt me.
Especially because the whole "you have so much potential!" rarely comes with adequate support. It rarely comes with valuing people like I was as....people. It rarely comes with concern, or care, or understanding. It rarely comes with recognition of struggle
Plenty of people recognized my "potential" but almost none of them recognized the sort of danger I was in, the harm I was doing to myself, the tenuous grip I had on...being alive.
And that's not ok
And that's not ok
anyway I'm obviously having lots of Thoughts about all this right now
Anyway if you can please help me help cats https://twitter.com/ellle_em/status/1309999500992405504?s=20
