Listen. I haven't seen the latest episode of spn but I've been watching ever since I got a box set of the first season DVDs for Christmas one year and got to catch s2 as it aired. So I've been watching for well over a decade now. There have been ups and downs, but I (1/?

2/ always said I would stop watching the show if/when I was no longer engaged or surprised by anything, and wasn't compelled to know more about what happened next. While some of the storylines in these final seasons have left me some mixture of surprised, happy, or frustrated

3/ I kept watching. Knowing it was the final season had cemented for me that I'd in fact be watching to the end. It was as much in solidarity as it was in the hope of reaching a gratifying, reasonable, and thoughtful ending to a 14 year commitment. Back when I first joined the

4/ ranks of those watching the airing episodes, most of my interactions with the fandom came in the form of communities found on Livejournal. By that point Castiel had not been in the picture. I remember watching with excitement as the angel lore unfolded with his introduction

5/ and the mythology introduced for the brothers moving forward. I have always had a clear favorite character: Sam. His struggles to accept himself, to feel worthy, to reckon with the loneliness of not belonging in his own family, and to build something good out of the

6/ "freak" he felt he was always resonated in a sometimes painful way. I was able to love Sam Winchester when he himself could not. It is within this context, through the focus adoration of a certain character brings, that I could /not/ escape the foundational nature of Sam's

7/ dynamic with Dean. That sibling bond is at the core of both brothers and is a focal point for much of their formative years (and into the canon era of the show). It is a bond that defines them, in the way that would undeniably change them in the absence of one or the other.

8/ We see many examples of what they're like without each other (Sam in 'Mystery Spot', Dean in the s2 finale, empty bottles of whiskey around and him unable to bury Sam's body; Dean going through the motions of living the apple pie life in s6) and what they're willing to

9/ sacrifice for each other (Sam in s8 nearly letting the trials destroy him in order to get Dean to trust him again; Dean giving up Benny in order to get Sam back, despite what Benny means to him). Eric Kripke, on the season 5 commentary, once described the show as being

10/ 'the epic love story of Sam and Dean.' (tw inc*st) We ALL know he didn't mean in an inc*stuous way. He meant the story of their bond WAS the story being told. Which leads me to my surprise at the final stories of the final season. To have watched this show in any capacity you

11/ (spoilers ahead) also likely know by now that the show has made the tremendous leap into canonizing a popular (but often controversial) ship - destiel. Before Castiel made his confession-turned-sacrifice, Sam made a teary plea with Dean, which seemed to reaffirm the show's

12/ central focus on that foundational relationship (they were, after all, the main characters at the show's start) and seemed to be gearing up to reinforce previous themes, as summed up in the line from the show, "They chose family." Which would have been an excellent way

13/ to lead into the tying up of a show about exactly that. Then, the confession happened. The first whisperings of Destiel fans I ever encountered were on Tumblr, where I tended to follow a lot of supernatural blogs. From what I could tell, they were eager, and passionate.

14/ Just as many fandom shippers across all fandoms tend to be. These sorts of passions tend to drive viewership and who doesn't want that? But slowly and over time I saw instances and accounts of d*stiel shippers harassing the actors at cons, or harassing the writers

15/ on twitter. Incessantly belittling those who didn't see it as a ship or bullying those in the fandom who dared to favor other ships. Worse yet, while I can't know for sure the exact origins of the term "bibros" who else would NEED to coin a term for those who prefer to see

16/ this show as being a story about two brothers? (If this wasn't its initial use the d*stiel shippers have certainly adopted it as some sort of slur). I can't, to this day, go into the J*nsen tag on tumblr /without/ seeing d*stiel in some form and having to sift through

17/ fics and fanart of the pairing because the OPs tagged J*nsen. All of this to say that Destiel is a popular ship and that while I understand it has an absolutely WIDE fanbase among viewers of Supernatural (especially those joining the fandom in later years because of Netflix

18/ it shouldn't have been in the final three episodes. The show has always given winks and nods to various shippers (Balthazar saying in s6 to Sam, "Where's your boyfriend?" In reference to Castiel; the writers seeming to wink & nod at Sastiel shippers) or the infamous nod to

19/ d*stiel with Dean saying "Cas, not for nothing but the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid" (in s5). While ship wars have always (and still) ravage on in the fandom over interpretation and context, this final confession seems to be more than a wink and a nod.

20/ It seems to be the legitimization of the harassment the D*stiel fans are somewhat notorious for in some corners of the fandom. It seems to have given the greenlight to all the rabid attacks launched at anyone who criticized the ship or disagreed with the lens through which

21/ certain scenes were viewed. It all but de facto crowned an entire sect and kabal of the fandom the "true" legitimate shippers of the series (and if you don't think so, just read all the 'WE WON' tweets in the d*stiel tag). I half expect, at any moment, the supernatural

22/ writers to suddenly dream up the antithesis of the Becky Rosen trope in the form of a character who will blaze on screen with Dashboard C*nfessional's "Vindicated" blaring from the speakers of a vintage muscle car wearing a shirt with a bloodied hand print and wave pom poms

23/ as D*stiel lovingly embrace in the clouds. While this makes for some great one-shot material, it does NOT make for a great end to an otherwise great show. Supernatural has always had its ups and downs, and the fandom has always had its fight, but at the end of the day we

24/ were all apart of the family that didn't end with blood. We were all watching a show about good vs evil, about the choices these two men made, to always keep fighting, to kick it in the ass, and to always know you had free will. Now, that legacy feels boiled down to a single

25/ ship. Now, the FINAL THREE EPISODES feel like they are in service to one portion of the fandom, the rest of us be damned. Now, this feels like fanservice on full blast. Perhaps I could have swallowed this development if the writers had decided to feature more robust displays

26/ of one third of Team Free Will being in unrequited love with the other. If there had been more than winks or nods. If there had been an /actual/ thoughtfully portrayed story. I'll tell you why that didn't happen. This was shoe-horned in. It was stuffed into the episodes.

27/ Perhaps they thought they were doing the fans a service, "finally" putting to bed any questions fans might have had about even the possibility of a romance between two popular characters. But what they were actually doing was reducing a sweeping story like supernatural into2

28/ an ending that will now and forever ultimately be remembered for what it did for d*stiel. And while some fans are extremely happy about this, it left the rest of us out in the cold. It was a big middle finger. D*stiel can take up all the air in a room that it wants to in

29/ online spaces, but for the love of Chuck, did it have to ensconce the final undiscovered hours of story that I will ever get with a long beloved show? The handling and mishandling of the decision to feature this, THIS, of all stories as the most prominent one being told at

30/ the end of the whole journey...is profoundly disappointing. Especially in the face of knowing what it could have been. I will choose to remember the show differently. I will always carry the pieces of my heart that it has shaped. But I will never forget or forgive the writers

31/ or the network for choosing to see this as a suitable send off. It is confused, rushed, and not thoughtfully handled. It did no justice to m l m relationships, the nuance of human sexuality or the intricacies of questioning ones own abilities to see outside self ascribed

32/ labels into genuine human connection. That's not what that hasty love confession did. If doing the slow burn love story justice was the goal they would have pursued that avenue earlier and given that story screen time, instead of baiting audiences for years on end, knowing

33/ that many read into that chemistry. Maybe then I'd have no choice not to be so bitter about this. I'd just have to accept it. As it is, they took something that meant a lot to me, and they ruined it. So thanks, I guess.