Here is the story about how I ended up on a heresy watch list at Mormon headquarters in Salt Lake City.

This was awhile ago. Idk, like 2008?

Twilight was SUPER popular.

And I was teaching Honors Writing at Brigham Young University.

So, I was looking for resources on teaching point of view. How do we talk to an audience who has a very different worldview than we do?

This is especially hard for BYU students.

Well, I happened to be listening to NPR one day and the interviewed the author of this book:

It was FASCINATING.

Basically, this Southern-Baptist lady goes and hangs out with people who claim to be IRL witches and vampires

I loved it.

It was also really perfect for what I was trying to teach!

And I thought to myself, “they ADORE Twilight right now, I bet they will love this.”

So I put in an order at the BYU bookstore.

Only I don’t want students to have to pay too much, so I put in the code for the paperback version.

A couple weeks later, I get this call from the bookstore. An extremely anxious woman is talking to me. There is a tremor in her voice.

“I’m just making sure you ordered the right book?” she says.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Um.....” she says. “The author is Wicker?”

“Is it Not in Kansas Anymore?” I ask.

“Yeeeeessss?” She says

“That’s it,” I say.

Well.

LITTLE DID I KNOW

They changed the subtitle of the book for the paperback version.

So my students go to the bookstore, and their BYU professor has asked them to read this:

Idk if you know any BYU students, but they FREEEAAAK OOOUUT.

One of them is related to a general authority.

“There is a dildo in this book,” they say. “I refuse to read it, and I’ve made a report at church headquarters.”

I am a BYU professor who is SHOCKINGLY innocent and I don’t know what a dildo is, so I have to google.

Anyway, I get called into my boss’s office.

“We’ve had a complaint,” they say. “From Salt Lake City.”

“It’s about the dildo, isn’t it,” I say. “I’m so sorry I didn’t catch that when I read it.”

They don’t know what a dildo is.

I have to explain it to them.

Anyway, a council convenes with the big wigs at the university.

“I just wanted to talk about POV!” I say. “The subtitle was a mistake! I’m so sorry about the dildo!”

They debate whether I should be fired.

My boss, BLESS THEM, actually fights really hard for me. They insist that there need to be protections for faculty for things like this!

Eventually, they agree under two conditions:

1) a banned books list will be created and this will be on it

2) I must be WATCHED

Anyway, that’s how I ended up on a heresy watch list at LDS church headquarters for ~possibly encouraging my students to engage in sex magic.

The end.