Read on Twitter
As a child of immigrants, you may struggle with creating a strong sense of self because you may not fully align with all of the values & norms you're expected to uphold in either of the cultures you are raised within. Ultimately, you may feel shame or be shamed for not belonging.
As you reflect on this, you may start to realize that your sense of self is determined & shaped by the role shame plays in your life & in your relationships. Shame's function within our different systems is to hold us accountable to values/morals & societal and cultural norms.
Shame can be used as a preventative or corrective tool for learning, justice & growth. However, it can also be used as a tool for regulation and control that is defined by expectations others (and you) have placed on you.
Here are 9 ways shame can be utilized & how it can further isolate us from ourselves and people & beliefs within our systems & different cultures >>
1. If you were raised in a household that prioritized certain religious or spiritual beliefs, then shame can be used as a way to control your behavior and actions and instill fear of being ostracized.
2. In some collectivist environments, shame can be used to retain group harmony & respect, maintain the peace, and encourage fitting in.
3. In some individualistic environments, shame can be used to encourage taking risks, being different, & assertive or aggressive behaviors.
3. In some individualistic environments, shame can be used to encourage taking risks, being different, & assertive or aggressive behaviors.
4. If you live, work, or love in environments or dynamics where a hierarchy is prioritized, then shame can be used to retain or weaponize power, position, obedience, and respect.
5. In some households where service to others may supersede one's own needs, shame can be used to discourage boundaries, privacy, self care, and pursuit of individual happiness.
6. Shame may rear its head as a reaction to other people's criticisms and can serve as a motivator to "save face" and uphold the systems that prioritize social capital, honor, and reputation over healing, choice, or fairness.
7. In different contexts, shame may be used to feed competition and remind us that our peers are doing better than us, we aren't where we're expected to be, or to be worthy we must be the best/perfect.
8. When shame is used to as a tool to enforce someone else's beliefs that don't align with our own, it can feed our own sense of helplessness and submission. And it can reinforce our maladaptive beliefs regarding our own (in)adequacy, competence, and worthiness.
9. Shame encourages silence, sometimes out of fear & sometimes in hopes for acceptance. It turns us against ourselves, but it's imperative to let people in. Speak up. Find people you trust who will love your wholeness. Vulnerability is scary but necessary for diminishing shame.
