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Ok. Mentioned a "horror" experience yesterday. Who wants to hear the story?! Warning: this was super creepy. Do not scroll down and read if you are faint of heart.
So we had a clogged toilet. Not great. I tried to unclog with the standard plunger deal. No dice. Never had this happen before. Found it super strange, but whatever. Read online you could use a toilet brush with a grocery bag.
I was a bit too lazy with the bag. So I just used the toilet brush... and the plastic head snapped off down in the toilet. Lovely. Now we KNOW an object is lodged in there, apart from the fact that it was already clogged.
So I finally give up, on a Saturday, and call someone. Guy comes out and confirms something is stuck. But also confirms that, where the object is, he cannot get it unstuck. I'll need to buy a new toilet and get them to come back.
Side note: toilets are HEAVY as all get out. I mean. Good gracious. I had to clean-lift the box into my cart and I'm pretty sure my back will now give out two years earlier than it was already scheduled to do so. Anyways.
Second plumber arrives on Monday. New toilet is waiting for him. Clogged toilet has been in its condition for a few days. Not super proud of the situation, but he goes to work. Cheers. We're heading toward a fix!
Except we're not... because the guy pulls me aside. He says, "I'm not... sure what to say. I need you... if you're not squeamish... to come here. I'm just not exactly sure what I'm looking at..."
And you have to understand. This entire time, I've been thinking: "Ok. A kid flushed a toy down the toilet. It happens. I flushed apples down when I was a kid and totally ruined a toilet because of it. What can you do?"
So when he walks me in the room... I am not at all prepared. Consider this tweet your second warning. You can stop reading now. Truly. You can. Go back. Live your day out in peace.
No? Okay. Welcome to my nightmare then. He walks me into the bathroom and displays... an arm. A very small arm. But CLEARLY an arm. With a claw dangling on the end. An actual arm. Of a creature.
"I've never seen that before. Ever. I've done this for 25 years and... I've just. You read about this kind of thing I guess. People say it 'can' happen. But... that's an animal. In the pipes of your toilet."
At this point, I cannot unsee what I have seen. He informs me he will keep trying. I go downstairs and my wife asks the very innocent question of: "Fixed?"
I said no. Not quite. I avoided eye contact. I didn't want to share. She saw the look and said, "What? What was it?" I said, "You don't want to know." And she pushed back and I pushed back and finally I blurted... "Animal."
Y'all. The shiver that ran down her spine. I explained what happened and what he was doing now and the horror just... kept growing. At least she hadn't seen it, I thought. At least she hadn't witnessed it!
But it's not over. The plumber comes down (second plumber, remember) and says he can't get it. He lacks the tools. This isn't his thing. He needs us to call a sewage company that does drainage. So we call them.
It's important, at this point in the story, to explain that I often leave the house and go to my parents' house to do online sessions for kids. Don't worry... the story is not going in some weird direction. But I did depart at this point to go do a session.
Right before I start my session, drainage guy calls to say he's outside. So I go into that call knowing these dudes are coming in to the house to finish the job, and that my wife is on her own.
Which is where we turn it over to her... Apparently, these dudes arrive jacked up. They're aware that they're the third crew involved. Very aware that others have failed. They walk in with clunking boots and a promise that they will get the job done.
I was not present, but my wife says they were used to this. Two ridiculous moments ensue. First, they are successful. We were told they'd likely "flush" whatever was in there out... Not the case. It was a hook situation.
One guy comes out, slightly stricken and super nervous, and he quietly whispers (so my son won't hear): "Ma'am. You missing a cat?"
I know. Cat people that are reading this, if there are any, are currently plotting to come find me. Promise: it was not a cat. My wife says no and the guy is SUPER relieved. "Oh my God. I felt so bad. I was like... he's gonna cry. I was so sad for him. Ok. Good."
And after a lengthy conversation, it's revealed that this was a squirrel. It crawled in through an outer pipe, got lost, swam the wrong way, and ended up in our toilet drainage. Unbelievable.
But that's not the worst part. These guys finish the job. They clean up everything. That's a part of the gig. Bleach everywhere. Towels mopping stuff up. They're done. They take the check from my wife and head out...
My wife, hoping to put a wrap on all of this, goes upstairs to put those towels either in the trash or in the wash immediately... and as she picks up the towel... a hand falls out. A hand. They LEFT a paw. In the towel. Dear Lord.
Which is when I finally come home, wrap up the cleaning job, and call it a day. We are still haunted. Our horror is now your horror. And now, for the rest of our lives, we will live bound by this shared moment until the end of our days. Thank you for joining me.
Going to add a few buffer tweets here. Just so anyone who checks this thread out doesn't unintentionally run into a horror that they did not in fact sign up for. Don't read what's above unless you REALLY want to dive into the disgust with me.
Like. Seriously. Go about the rest of your day. Live in freedom. Have a great day. Only read this thread if you truly cannot resist the horrors of modern domesticated living 
