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for two years i was part of a team that handled holiday orders at the ~fancy~ grocery store where i worked; last year, i ran it. to encourage you to STAY HOME this season, here are some stories about some of the wild shit the holidays seem to drive people to do!
to give you an idea of scale: the first year i was involved, we ran 800+ thanksgiving orders and 400+ at christmas; when i was in charge it was 1,000+ thanksgiving orders and 500+ christmas. (ps i will NEVER forgive this company for denying me unemployment after all this lmao)
some of these orders were for raw meats â turkeys, rib roasts, etc â but most of them were for prepared meals, or raw meat and prepared sides, to save people from having to cook for themselves. (you can probably guess the grocery store, iâm only not naming it bc i fear them 
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my favorite story is this one: a lady called and SCREAMED at me on thanksgiving day bc her food wasnât hot. the food she had picked up two days prior. she was angry... the food didnât come out of her refrigerator... hot. she was angry the food didnât come out her FRIDGE!! HOT!!
one guy was like âi would like to order this $120 precooked prime rib roast. how long do i microwave it for medium rare?â and when i was like âsir... oh no... thatâs not... that wonât work,â he, enraged, yelled âoh, so what am i supposed to do, turn on my OVEN??â
a customer called me every single day for a month to confirm that the caesar salad she ordered would be specially made with kale, not romaine. i reassured her 30 times that weâd make it with kale. and then she DIDNâT COME GET IT!! just abandoned it, paid, full of kale
speaking of things people paid for and didnât come get: an order of four sushi trays (~$250); a cool $500 worth of shrimp; a full dinner for 12; 3 fully cooked turkeys; an order of 10 vegan meals and, inexplicably, one rib roast. are all these people okay?? i just wanna talk
a guy bought a fully prepped raw turkey â seasoned, on a bed of mire poix (carrot/onion/celery), in a pan â and then called me up, furious, because it was disgusting!! and it turned out heâd put it in his oven STILL INSIDE THE PLASTIC BAG IT WAS PACKAGED IN
someone else bought that same prepped turkey, then called & screamed for 10 minutes bc we âforgot the vegetablesâ and âiâm on an islandâ and âmy thanksgiving is ruined!â and i said âmaâam did you look under the turkey?â and there was a pause. then she said â...ohâ & hung up on me
there was this one lady who said she was allergic to flavorings (all of them??) and called me every day for a week and made me read her all the ingredients in every item we sold each time. took about 45 minutes, EACH TIME. would not accept an emailed list. did not order anything
god, the poor guy who came in on thanksgiving like âmy wife had a baby last week; today she & her sister had a fight thatâs been brewing for 10 years; weâre uninvited from dinner; sheâs crying. a lot. please... i need a turkey.â (i found him one lol. hope theyâre all doing good.)
my booth was set up where we usually kept the cheapest wine we sold and no less than five people came looking for said cheap wine and burst into tears when i was there instead. which: relatable, same, who among us, but it was only a few feet to the left, and, also, jesus christ
i couldnât possible detail every incident that involved a grown adult human full on weeping (sobbing! at the grocery store), and i wouldnât want to, but it was easily â EASILY â 20+ people. the littlest things would happen and customers would MELT DOWN
a particular blotch of rage still exists in my heart for the woman who harangued me to find her the perfect $4 christmas tree (read: a branch of pine in a pot) and then said some of the most anti-semitic shit iâve ever heard to my jewish ass when she came to pick it up
i could literally go on for hours lmao. and i want to be clear that i had some great customers too! âplease i need turkeyâ guy was valid; one regular slipped me a $25 gift card and i will remember her name and her kindness until i die. it wasnât all grim.
but like. listen. take it from me. the holidays.... they bring out some wild shit in people. the stress and the family drama and the pressure to have the ~perfect day~ or whatever? it really unlocks some ugliness in folks.
i know it sucks to have to cancel your holiday plans, especially after this enormous stinking turd of a year. i know that for lots of people the holidays are a really important and cherished time! i know, and itâs awful, and iâm sorry.
but youâve gotta cancel those holiday plans anyway. youâre not only risking your life, your familyâs lives; youâre also risking the lives of service workers, all of whom, i promise you, have seen the worst of humankind every holiday season and kept helping you anyway.
service workers (who largely canât afford to stay home from work, who largely have crappy health insurance or none at all) already put up with so much shit every year. every single one. they donât deserve to die for your holidays. nobody does.
stay home. make yourself something delicious and stay home. have a glass of wine, or warm cider, or hot chocolate, and stay home. enjoy one single holiday season with no pressure and no expectations and JUST STAY AT HOME.
there will be another holiday season. there is â and again, you can take this from me, a person who worked ten years of retail before this grocery job â there is ALWAYS another holiday season. the holidays, as all service workers know, are inescapable like the tides.
and if it will make you feel better, go ahead and drive to your nearest grocery store, park outside, and weep or scream in the safety of your car. the service workers inside have all probably cried or yelled or both in that parking lot; you wonât be alone.
i hope we all make it to 2021 happy and healthy and safe. this year we can give others the greatest holiday gift of all â the gift of giving a shit whether they live or die. the gift of protecting them by canceling our plans and staying in our own goddamn homes. 
and hey, if youâre able and you want to help out a trans guy in ohio who has been out of work since march and was denied unemployment from this company i absolutely busted my ass for, iâd hugely appreciate it!! venmo @ dylanthyme / http://ko-fi.com/dylanthyme
so glad you guys are liking this thread so much!! iâm going to mute it so i can use my timeline again, but i appreciate you all enormously, more than i could possibly express. if you need any help cooking your at-home holiday meals, DM me, i can almost definitely help 
