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This piece on NPR this morning ends with a woman asking men to ask their partners for one thing to do each day to help. A man who asked me this would get the middle finger. This is a thread about why that is complete nonsense. https://www.npr.org/2020/11/12/929551120/i-come-up-short-every-day-couples-under-strain-as-pandemic-upends-life-at-home
This piece also talked about how women are much more likely to reduce their hours or quit their jobs to focus on childcare responsibilities. Women do 30% more childcare and 40% more household management than their male partners. One thing is a drop in the bucket.
And not only is one thing a drop in the bucket, but I also don't want to be asked what needs to be done. If you live with a fully-grown human who does not pay attention to what it takes to manage your household, kick them out.
If a grown man looks around and sees a dirty floor, piles of laundry, dishes in the sink, children complaining they are hungry... if they've been getting in a shower for days that obviously needs to be cleaned... and they have the _audacity_ to offer to do one thing? Just no.
If your life partner is offering to do one thing to "help" you manage the life the two of you built together? That is not what being a life partner looks like. Do yourself a favor and upgrade to a partner who is not openly and blatantly taking advantage of our labor.
And I don't want to hear any of this "but he says he doesn't notice things and so I have to give him a list" So what, he's demanding more labor from you to make it as easy for him as it possibly could be? And if you don't do it then he's not going to even pretend to be a partner?
A functioning adult knows things get dirty. You don't need to "notice" it to know things need to be cleaned. I don't clean the toilets once a week because I notice they're dirty. I clean them once a week because I know if I don't they'll get dirty.
My husband doesn't sweep the kitchen floor every day and mop it once a week because he notices that's it's filthy. He does it so that it doesn't get filthy. If your partner is claiming they don't notice, the real message they are sending you is more sinister.
What they are saying is that they aren't willing to put in the effort of maintaining the household with you because they know you'll just do it if they don't. They're telling you they don't care enough about you, your home, your children, and your life together to pay attention.
They aren't paying attention because they ultimately just believe it's your job to do so, not theirs. They are embracing patriarchal norms to stay lazy. If your partner ever asks you one thing they can do to help, there is only one answer you should ever give.
"You can help by not waiting for me to assign you chores like you're one of the children and instead just do what needs to be done like an adult."
