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If you've never lived in poverty/housing instability probably have no idea how it impacts yr relationships.
Spoiler: negatively.
If daily life is spiraling from one crisis to another, yr loved ones are likely to feel guilty they can't save you, esp if they're financially stable
Spoiler: negatively.
If daily life is spiraling from one crisis to another, yr loved ones are likely to feel guilty they can't save you, esp if they're financially stable
Your friends without spoons to help feel bad they don't have the energy to listen to you talk about your life
because your entire life is figuring out how to scrape by another month indoors, staying fed, cleaning all applicable asses with TP and bathing.
because your entire life is figuring out how to scrape by another month indoors, staying fed, cleaning all applicable asses with TP and bathing.
The friends who do or can financially help you must forever live with the looming spectre of your need hovering over every direct conversation you share.
We've loaded so much shame into financial need that even ppl like myself,
(who consciously reject the bootstrap myth & know poverty is an intended feature of fascist, colonized, white supremacist, capitalist bullshit)
are deeply uncomfortable & ashamed of needing help.
(who consciously reject the bootstrap myth & know poverty is an intended feature of fascist, colonized, white supremacist, capitalist bullshit)
are deeply uncomfortable & ashamed of needing help.
I get a lot of very polite DM requests to boost fundraisers
and I try to as often as I can.
But the number of requests that apologize for needing help are heartbreaking.
One line I can't forget is "I've reached the low point of needing help."
Low point? You DESERVE help!
and I try to as often as I can.
But the number of requests that apologize for needing help are heartbreaking.
One line I can't forget is "I've reached the low point of needing help."
Low point? You DESERVE help!
Needing financial assistance isn't something you deserve shame for.
You have worth & deserve a liveable income just bc y're a person.
It's fucked up this country makes someone feel they should apologize for needing help.
Everyone needs help sometimes.
Rich ppl just hire help.
You have worth & deserve a liveable income just bc y're a person.
It's fucked up this country makes someone feel they should apologize for needing help.
Everyone needs help sometimes.
Rich ppl just hire help.
But after centuries of bullshit and now COVID bullshit on top of all the regular BS we know
tons of people need help.
People fundraising to meet their needs isn't that unusual anymore
bc things ARE that bad for people who aren't financially comfortable.
tons of people need help.
People fundraising to meet their needs isn't that unusual anymore
bc things ARE that bad for people who aren't financially comfortable.
Before COVID it was mostly Disabled and impoverished ppl getting flak from everyone for fundraising for absurd medical costs or emergency needs
now MORE people need help
and see that asking and fundraising
is one of the only potentially timely ways to POTENTIALLY get it.
now MORE people need help
and see that asking and fundraising
is one of the only potentially timely ways to POTENTIALLY get it.
Nobody fundraises for our basic needs because it's fun or glamorous.
Begging on the internet isn't chic, it's actually very time consuming,
gets you shitlisted by shitty people,
destroys your interpersonal relationships
makes you sick as you live in a constant state of stress
Begging on the internet isn't chic, it's actually very time consuming,
gets you shitlisted by shitty people,
destroys your interpersonal relationships
makes you sick as you live in a constant state of stress
I'd love to just be able to go to any doctor or dentist w/o inability to pay affecting
1) decision to seek care
2) ability to receive care, especially type you need.
Or where instead of wondering if I get to eat some days
it would just be a question of what I wanted to eat.
1) decision to seek care
2) ability to receive care, especially type you need.
Or where instead of wondering if I get to eat some days
it would just be a question of what I wanted to eat.
I don't tell Twitter 95% of my wardrobe has holes because money is for food, rent, moving out, meds, transit, toilet paper.
I will wear clothes with holes until I can no longer wear them bc I can't just ~replace~ them.
Any money that comes in just goes to scraping by.
I will wear clothes with holes until I can no longer wear them bc I can't just ~replace~ them.
Any money that comes in just goes to scraping by.
Once during my marriage a friend sent me tampons because I mentioned to her I'd been out for a while
because I was used to making do until there was money for them
so I just didn't ask my ex to buy them
and she got really offended someone else bought them for me.
because I was used to making do until there was money for them
so I just didn't ask my ex to buy them
and she got really offended someone else bought them for me.
Now that I have a menstrual cup I can use again this issue is blessedly infrequent
and one of my partners sent me the money for that cup.
and one of my partners sent me the money for that cup.
So aside from how poverty makes our loved ones feel
it makes us isolated or obscure our needs and issues more
because I am acutely aware that the shitshow of my life just makes everyone else feel guilty
even if I don't ever directly ask them for or expect their help.
it makes us isolated or obscure our needs and issues more
because I am acutely aware that the shitshow of my life just makes everyone else feel guilty
even if I don't ever directly ask them for or expect their help.
Don't think I haven't noticed the correlations between:
my homelessness/unstable housing situations
people just being more absent from my life than they used to be
and my inability to communicate about my personal life directly to others so I don't make it weird for them
my homelessness/unstable housing situations
people just being more absent from my life than they used to be
and my inability to communicate about my personal life directly to others so I don't make it weird for them
It's like the long distance, emotionally intimate version of people looking away from homeless people when they see them on the street
or hiding myself away to prevent that discomfort.
1 of my partners discussing this feeling of guilt with me proactively helped me identify it.
or hiding myself away to prevent that discomfort.
1 of my partners discussing this feeling of guilt with me proactively helped me identify it.
I also wanna address the notion of a single partner "saving" me from poverty -
in my life survival has always been linked to the person I lived with.
Survival jumping into relationships doesn't end well
it has often saddled me overlong with abuse or in inaccessible situations
in my life survival has always been linked to the person I lived with.
Survival jumping into relationships doesn't end well
it has often saddled me overlong with abuse or in inaccessible situations
The world won't become more accessible & equitable bc somebody can help me today,
no matter who they are in relation to me.
so the next time a crisis appears, if I don't have the person who "saved" me last time, what do I do?
Come to Twitter with my cash links.
no matter who they are in relation to me.
so the next time a crisis appears, if I don't have the person who "saved" me last time, what do I do?
Come to Twitter with my cash links.
The real issue at the root of this:
We live in an ableist society that refuses to give everyone basic income and housing and food.
I just want my relationships to be independent of my ability to get medical care and housing.
We live in an ableist society that refuses to give everyone basic income and housing and food.
I just want my relationships to be independent of my ability to get medical care and housing.
If we had a world where I could get my housing and accessibility needs met
because money and insurance didn't dictate everything
my partners wouldn't struggle under the extra weight of trying to help me bare minimum survive.
because money and insurance didn't dictate everything
my partners wouldn't struggle under the extra weight of trying to help me bare minimum survive.
So I don't resent my partners who are living comfortably or at least stably right now
because I partner with people who also know this struggle
and who actively combat it in their activism, civic engagement, outreach, and work.
My partners do what they can, like I do for them.
because I partner with people who also know this struggle
and who actively combat it in their activism, civic engagement, outreach, and work.
My partners do what they can, like I do for them.
Poverty exacerbates any other oppression, scenario, or relationship you encounter.
I saw fluctuations in our poverty lvl influence the severity of abuse I received growing up.
Poverty taints every relationship
I feel poverty was a serious stressor in my parents' relationship.
I saw fluctuations in our poverty lvl influence the severity of abuse I received growing up.
Poverty taints every relationship
I feel poverty was a serious stressor in my parents' relationship.
[CW: Parental abuse/parentification/divorce]... ...
In fact one of my greatest obsessions as a teen was trying to keep my parents together
because I knew they couldn't afford to maintain separate households apart.
I even remember pointing out to my mom the cost issue.
In fact one of my greatest obsessions as a teen was trying to keep my parents together
because I knew they couldn't afford to maintain separate households apart.
I even remember pointing out to my mom the cost issue.
I'm honestly intensely grateful when my loved ones are able to help me in other ways,
& My friends who are most savvy and on the ball about finding resources or accessibility/affordability hacks
usually have their own experiences struggling with finances in the past or present.
& My friends who are most savvy and on the ball about finding resources or accessibility/affordability hacks
usually have their own experiences struggling with finances in the past or present.
A lot of Disabled people are also struggling with money and accessibility
and some of the most active people I know giving and/or receiving mutual aid
or lending advice
and some of the most active people I know giving and/or receiving mutual aid
or lending advice
Because they get it.
It's a bittersweet solidarity to share with someone
It's a bittersweet solidarity to share with someone
If your loved one is homeless and you're local, the dynamic can also be tough
When exNP was homeless, I often wished I were just allowed to have them crash with me whenever
especially after a day they'd come around and help me get my things done.
When exNP was homeless, I often wished I were just allowed to have them crash with me whenever
especially after a day they'd come around and help me get my things done.
When I was homeless, I welcomed literally any excuse to be in a private, welcoming, intimate space
wearing less than 6 layers
not zealously guarding a suitcase
maybe enjoying a shower
sleeping on a pile of pillows
but you don't wanna impose or make it weird
You just hope
wearing less than 6 layers
not zealously guarding a suitcase
maybe enjoying a shower
sleeping on a pile of pillows
but you don't wanna impose or make it weird
You just hope
All these experiences teach me is that it's fucked up we live in a world where
we even have to discuss boundaries conflicting w kindness or help for homeless people
when people shouldn't have to be homeless at all.
we even have to discuss boundaries conflicting w kindness or help for homeless people
when people shouldn't have to be homeless at all.
Like if everyone had a home, saying "I've enjoyed our time together, goodnight,"
wouldn't have such a loaded air about it
where someone has to acknowledge they're sending the other person to sleep in their car or on the streets or in a shelter
bc togetherness time is over.
wouldn't have such a loaded air about it
where someone has to acknowledge they're sending the other person to sleep in their car or on the streets or in a shelter
bc togetherness time is over.
Because boundaries are important for EVERYONE.
But damn, it's hard not to feel unspoken guilt
that the existence of homelessness and poverty reflect onto the situation
just because one of you is unhoused and the other isn't.
When everyone should have a home.
But damn, it's hard not to feel unspoken guilt
that the existence of homelessness and poverty reflect onto the situation
just because one of you is unhoused and the other isn't.
When everyone should have a home.
I've been on both sides of that situation, and poor as shit forever,
so I definitely have the logical perspective to understand my loved ones cannot single-handedly dismantle this system
nor can they compromise their own health and safety or security for my own
so I definitely have the logical perspective to understand my loved ones cannot single-handedly dismantle this system
nor can they compromise their own health and safety or security for my own
And this is where my split brain takes over because I logically know this
but I'm not gonna lie and pretend it can't hurt sometimes
even if it is the right and helpful choice for both of us.
But what really hurts is living in this fucked up system
not them or their boundaries
but I'm not gonna lie and pretend it can't hurt sometimes
even if it is the right and helpful choice for both of us.
But what really hurts is living in this fucked up system
not them or their boundaries
Can you imagine
how many boundary-pushing or boundary-crossing situations
would disappear from your life if
"everyone has access and a home and food"
were the cultural norm?
how many boundary-pushing or boundary-crossing situations
would disappear from your life if
"everyone has access and a home and food"
were the cultural norm?
