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A thread about how people usually get hurt when they fall in love with community:
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@peternlimberg's latest journal is about a community experience I see as a pattern:
new member joins, falls in love, has an intense infatuation period, gets disillusioned, then they leave or stick around for the long haul with tempered expectations https://thestoa.substack.com/p/the-meta-troll
new member joins, falls in love, has an intense infatuation period, gets disillusioned, then they leave or stick around for the long haul with tempered expectations https://thestoa.substack.com/p/the-meta-troll
I have seen that cycle play out numerous times at @enspiral. I think the supermajority of longterm committed members went thru that loop.
I'll share a specific version of what the loop can look like, but there are many versions:
I'll share a specific version of what the loop can look like, but there are many versions:
Day 5: "wow this is amazing I have found my people I am so in love I have been waiting my whole life for this community"
Day 150: "I thought this was nonhierarchical but a small number of you clearly have more power than the rest! I am outraged!" (projections are shattered)
Day 150: "I thought this was nonhierarchical but a small number of you clearly have more power than the rest! I am outraged!" (projections are shattered)
When they're at this stage I'm thinking "hi, so now you've noticed the existence & stickiness of power dynamics, you have qualified to participate in network governance, welcome, come on in!"
some of them stick around and help us work out these tensions, some of them leave
some of them stick around and help us work out these tensions, some of them leave
This happens again and again, so there's always people saying "how can we redesign the arrival process so people don't go thru that bruising experience?"
I may be jaded granddad Rich but I basically think it's an unavoidable initiation process. Developmental journeys are bumpy.
I may be jaded granddad Rich but I basically think it's an unavoidable initiation process. Developmental journeys are bumpy.
My best solution so far is just making sure there is a critical mass of relationships, so people are seen as they're going through the rough patches and don't have to suffer alone.
I wonder if there are other community organisers who know what I am talking about and can share stories? Is there a name for this thing?
I gave "power dynamics" as one example of the infinite variety of different unmet expectations that can trigger disillusionment.
I think expectations in this context are so subjective and opaque that most attempts to better meet newcomers' needs are bound to fail.
I think expectations in this context are so subjective and opaque that most attempts to better meet newcomers' needs are bound to fail.
In conclusion: I think getting hurt is okay.
