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The other day I was taking my kids for a walk around a pond when an older woman sitting by herself on a bench looked up and commented on how sweet they were. "I had three girls myself and it was wonderful." "How lovely!" I replied. I implied it was great to still have them near.
"No," she said with a sad look. "They all left for the West Coast years ago." "Oh that's hard," I replied. "But at least they're near each other?" She shook her head again. "No, spread out all over." She seemed wistful and nostalgic and told me to enjoy my time while I had them.
Another stranger recently told me how much she enjoyed raising her 4 kids, the best years of her life, how much fun everything was. "And I bet holidays and such are still very fun!" I responded. She got sad. "No, we can't do holidays together. Everyone is too spread out."
She said they sometimes have a party when they're all in the same state but everyone's schedules are so busy that it makes it impossible to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving together. She looked very teary and I changed the topic.
Inside though I was so frustrated. It reminded me of the places I grew up, where everyone's parents move away as soon as the kids graduate out of the school district. Public school-renting communities. The kids have no sense of roots. "The world is their oyster."
What the hell is the point of the world being your oyster if you have no pearl, no home? Why do we teach children that the goal is status and consumption (I'm sorry, "accomplishment and freedom") and then act startled at the mental health crisis and loneliness epidemic?
If you want to discourage Christianity in favor of secular-state power and atomization, you don't need a "War on Christmas." You just need to convince people the home is fungible, that there are no sacred days or places to the heart, that 24/7 consumption is the highest priority.
How do we raise children to recognize trade-offs, to say "How can I make a good life here," rather than "Where can I buy myself access to the most toys?" How do we say "this day is a sanctuary the corporation shall not touch" when half the country is on shift work?
This year's going to be another grinding down on the notion of shared festivals. Grandparents ache to hold their grandchildren even without Covid. Facetime is mediated by a screen. Shared spaces and time with people we love, a sense of roots - they're fading from memory.
In your charity, please pray for all those who are alone (many who had many children!) and wish they were not. Please pray for those raising children to show them the beauty of a life with limits, of realizing it's okay not to be so flexible that there's no place to come back to.
