I've been reflecting a lot on imposter syndrome and the idea of belonging in a place. Being at Yale has made me think about these things quite hard and I think I've had some clarity of thought I'd like to share. Thread and thoughts on imposter syndrome

As soon as you get into a place like Yale, people start asking themselves, “Do I belong here?” I remember talking to my peers about our imposter syndrome way back in 2016. Discussing it honestly and openly was helpful.

However, I think the way we talk about impostor syndrome is flawed. I think what illustrates this best for me is the idea of the swan effect. Let me dive into what it is, what people usually take it to mean, and what I think we can garner from the idea.

Swans are gracious and beautiful. The very idea of a swan is intimately connected to grace, poise, and composure. Anyone who sees one is impressed by its beauty. It seemingly glides over the water, ever so smoothly. But beneath the surface, its legs are kicking up a fury.

It's causing a storm and all this turbulent flow. But we never see what happens beneath the surface. In a sense, we are blind to its true nature. All we see is that which is above the water. This is the swan effect, and it's a metaphor for college and the academic experience.

It's easy to look at people doing so much with their lives and assume that everything is going well. At Yale (and it's not unique to Yale), people value not just excelling academically, but in every aspect of their lives: extracurricularly, socially, romantically, and so on.

It's really just all too easy to compare yourself with others. You might think: I’m struggling with just a couple things on my plate. How do they do everything and make it look easy? Do I belong?

I think the swan effect hints at something deeper at play that factors into our discussions of imposter syndrome. It’s something we don’t always think about, even though it informs our daily lives.

And that's the idea of faces. All of us distort reality when we converse or interact with others, and we may hide our struggles. That is a face. Faces are not bad. It's just who we are. We all want to give off the impression of composure to the world—nothing wrong with that.

And in private, we let our hair down with our friends and let them in. We tell them what others may not know. Does that make us liars? I don't think so. But I think we need to recognize and grapple with this idea because it’s central to what makes us human.

We see a face and conflate it with who the person is, but that's the last thing we should do. It is good to admire others, to be proud of them, and to be amazed by them. But if you don't know them as a friend or acquaintance, that face is not who they are. It isn’t.

Everybody puts on a face. Having the benefit of retrospection as an alum, I wonder, why did I ever compare myself to others? I felt insecure, but the entire time I wasn't comparing myself to people, but to perfectly-constructed façades held up for the world to see.

Social media makes this all the more apparent. Our curated reality makes us envision success as the absence of struggle, an ever upward climb instead of the reality: a road that looks different for everyone with tons of twists and turns, ups, and downs.

In college, I felt I could be doing more, even though I was sleeping so late most nights. I berated myself for not cultivating enough hobbies, for not being in enough extracurriculars, for not taking enough classes because I saw people who did EVERYTHING and I wanted to be them.

I realize now it didn't matter. What good would it have done me to chase all those things half-heartedly? I don't regret my classes or hobbies or extracurriculars, but simply the fact that I valued those things so much more than time with my friends. But this is a digression.

It's a hard realization & doesn't come instantly, but when you realize that everyone (even you) holds up a face, it becomes easier to extend yourself grace & to remember that comparing yourself to others is futile. It becomes easier to remember you’re doing what’s best for you.

Everyone's experience with imposter syndrome is different, and this is mine. For me, it's because I compared myself to others. So, this realization has been particularly helpful. It may not be for you. That's OK. I do hope it's slightly illuminating at least.