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For the neurotypicals, a non exhaustive list of ways you can be kind and polite and express interest in other people without promising to do things you aren't going to do and just generally lying--
You want to express interest in a topic someone is talking about
Instead of-
"I am going to watch that!"
Try-
"Wow, that sounds really interesting!"
or
"Tell me more about *some aspect of thing*"
"How did you find out *thing*?"
Instead of-
"I am going to watch that!"
Try-
"Wow, that sounds really interesting!"
or
"Tell me more about *some aspect of thing*"
"How did you find out *thing*?"
If someone recommends activities or media to you that you can't/don't want to do--
"There's SO MANY great *example things* right now, it's such a cool time to like *example things*!"
Then you ask them more about the thing they clearly _already want_ to talk about.
"There's SO MANY great *example things* right now, it's such a cool time to like *example things*!"
Then you ask them more about the thing they clearly _already want_ to talk about.
You can match someone's excitement and encourage it without promising to go to their art show or whatever
Like especially... If they didn't even ASK you to? In the first place??
Like especially... If they didn't even ASK you to? In the first place??
You can tell an artist that their work is AMAZING and cool without promising to BUY IT
Are you going to buy it?
ARE YOU?
(whyyyyy do so MANY people do this)
Are you going to buy it?
ARE YOU?
(whyyyyy do so MANY people do this)
*quietly lolsobs*
the amount of people, who swore up and down they were going to buy art from me...
I didn't even ask, I never ask????
whyyyyyyyy
the amount of people, who swore up and down they were going to buy art from me...
I didn't even ask, I never ask????
whyyyyyyyy
You see someone you know outside of the context you normally see them, or you just wish to express that you are happy to see them.
You do not want to hang out.
Instead of
"We should hang out!"
Try
"It's so great to see you!"
You do not want to hang out.
Instead of
"We should hang out!"
Try
"It's so great to see you!"
That covers the idle conversation.
Now.
What about the "You should" people.
I believe from my observations of NT people that there are 2 kinds of You Should people.
Now.
What about the "You should" people.
I believe from my observations of NT people that there are 2 kinds of You Should people.
1) The people who thought fondly of you when they saw a thing and would like to express that they are fond of you.
2) People who are going to twist your arm in some absolutely over the top way because that's their power move, I guess.
2) People who are going to twist your arm in some absolutely over the top way because that's their power move, I guess.
It is deeply frustrating that these people say the exact same words, and the second group ranges from Very Annoying to I Guess We Have to Fight Now
So I understand the impulse to lie and say you will do the should, but hear me out.
So I understand the impulse to lie and say you will do the should, but hear me out.
You either already know someone is an annoying bitch or you aren't sure, right?
So maybe... you check first!
I know, it sounds wild, but stay with me.
So maybe... you check first!
I know, it sounds wild, but stay with me.
I guess I'm life coaching neurotypical people today 
The way you check is that you respond to the You Should with "Oh wow, that sounds so great! How did you get find out about that?"
You don't agree to do the thing, but you mirror their excitement in telling you about it.
The way you check is that you respond to the You Should with "Oh wow, that sounds so great! How did you get find out about that?"
You don't agree to do the thing, but you mirror their excitement in telling you about it.
People don't tell you about shitty TV they thought was boring, they just want to tell you because they're really into it.
And you can support that excitement without agreeing to watch every season of Supernatural starting tonight.
(there are. So many)
And you can support that excitement without agreeing to watch every season of Supernatural starting tonight.
(there are. So many)
The test is!
What does the You Should person do next?
Do they move on to just keep telling you why they super loved Jupiter Ascending?
Do they tell you why they thought you would think it was awesome and then tell you more about the thing?
What does the You Should person do next?
Do they move on to just keep telling you why they super loved Jupiter Ascending?
Do they tell you why they thought you would think it was awesome and then tell you more about the thing?
Perfect.
You have a person who either just wants to talk (so like... let them)
Or you have a person who wants to talk but also had warm thoughts about why you are similar to a thing they already like. (how nice!)
You have a person who either just wants to talk (so like... let them)
Or you have a person who wants to talk but also had warm thoughts about why you are similar to a thing they already like. (how nice!)
You don't have to agree to homework to be polite!
The person who assumes you have started to read every comic book that night and quizzes you about it and then gets mad?
yeah, that person sucks ass.
You have my permission to lie to them
The person who assumes you have started to read every comic book that night and quizzes you about it and then gets mad?
yeah, that person sucks ass.
You have my permission to lie to them
I do think that it would be EXTREMELY KIND and a gesture towards neurodiverse people if you would consider giving someone who talked excitedly about Doctor Who and then leaves 18 DVD collections on your desk the next day
like, a one chance benefit of the doubt
like, a one chance benefit of the doubt
That kind of looks like--
"oh I am _so sorry_ I think we had a miscommunication. I don't have time to watch all of Deadwood right now, but that's so nice!"
*something something don't want to lose your stuff*
*give thing back*
"oh I am _so sorry_ I think we had a miscommunication. I don't have time to watch all of Deadwood right now, but that's so nice!"
*something something don't want to lose your stuff*
*give thing back*
A lot of ND people have a bunch of extremely embarrassing times in our past were we totally fucking whiffed this social signal
And most of us (not all), will be very happy to take back our Precious Items and slink away until we feel less embarrassed.
And most of us (not all), will be very happy to take back our Precious Items and slink away until we feel less embarrassed.
The mention of the possibility of losing the Precious Item will be enough to get us to IMMEDIATELY take it back from you.
Also, this means that we probably like you, because we generally don't loan Precious Items to randos
Also, this means that we probably like you, because we generally don't loan Precious Items to randos
All some ND people are assholes because we are also just people.
The key to this is that if someone is an asshole about it, LIE AWAY. Because fuck that.
The key to this is that if someone is an asshole about it, LIE AWAY. Because fuck that.
But the thing is, with people who aren't just jerks.
What if... instead of making empty promises
What if you engaged that person's excitement instead?
And like, had an engaging conversation where perhaps you could learn something interesting about them?
What if... instead of making empty promises
What if you engaged that person's excitement instead?
And like, had an engaging conversation where perhaps you could learn something interesting about them?
This is basically what I do
And people think I am charming as HELL
And people think I am charming as HELL
