have been absolutely exhausted since the election was called & i floated a theory past my therapist and she went ‘mmmmmmmmm’ and nodded very deeply:

when it was called for biden the primitive part of my brain felt like it was out of immediate physical danger relaxed for the first time & the adrenaline crash after a 4 year survival mode fest is *intense*

(my conscious brain know its not over, im talmbout the primitive brain)

tromp was a symbol of violence, death & unsafeness & for the past 4 years of srsly thinking we cld die any day meant constant, sustained anxiety whether i realized it or not, even on ‘good’ days. anxiety isnt ‘just a feeling,’ its a physical condition that claims a lot of energy

so now for the first time in 4 years, even as the rest of my anxieties abt being alive persist, that part that has been overworked scanning and prepping for immediate physical danger has relaxed & with that adrenaline gone, the crash is extreeeeeeeeeeeme

(id like to point out here that for ppl who live w anxiety, this is what we feel & live with all the time constantly so hopefully it will generate some empathy in ppl who dont )

so of course my homework, predictably, was to be nice to myself (im beginning to notice a pattern here ) & not cuss myself out for being tired bc it makes sense. all the sense. our bodies are out here tryna do the best they can; be kind to you & yourn too!