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In the sprit of this paean to expertise and inspired by @RadioFreeTom and fellow suffering law nerds @popehat and @greg_doucette, I shall now describe how to build a car. Yes I even included a hidden head nod to the nuke folks while at it. (1/9) https://twitter.com/aaronjcarpenter/status/1326305806535565313
I am informed by noted engineering journal The Popular Mechanics that building a car requires 400 steps, but I was elected a student Senator at my law school so for me it is actually 6-or-so. (2/9)
First, any such enterprise requires an incantation of words whos definition, is, at best, unclear to me. Ahem: "Carburetors launch the drift of the power-to-weight-ratio, allowing a turbocharging of the wiper assembly." (3/9)
Now, having completed the most difficult part of automotive engineering, we must uncover a wider "3D-chess" plan which makes no sense except to somebody who has been granted special knowledge by a letter of the alphabet that is also a security clearance. Lets call him "N." (4/9)
As we all know, Toyota is the finest Japanese auto manufacturer. I base this fact on the facts I have. The best part: one person also made cars, but his name was Toyoda. Why do you think Democrats are so against transliteration?!? James Woods also owns a car. (5/9)
Irrelevant trivia having been addressed, we move onto the next step, and this is an important one. Place the wheels on the bottom of the car. If they are on top of the car something bad has happened and you will not be driving to your destination today. (6/9)
Crap, I almost forgot an Important Thing without which any Motor vehicle Cannot be built. The GODS Automotive will not allow the spirit Of the car to enter the car Unless the builder shows that he DOESN'T understand difficult subjects LiKe capitalization. (7/9)
Another fun fact - Media called a Prius a "car" for 30 days, until the ghost of whoever came up with the Ford Excursion said it wasn't. 300 smashed Priuses, a lake full of toxic chemicals suitable for worship, and one slightly dented Excursion later, THE TRUTH EMERGED. (8/9)
Having imbued the car with the spirit of the Motor-Forge, you now snap the engine into the spot marked BB on your "Auto Assembly by IKEA" diagram. And that is totally how you build a car. Unless you're smart enough to listen to someone who knows what they're talking about. (9/9)
