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The angry orange man has many sads
~~ A special counting day story~~
Once upon a time there was an angry orange man, and he was in a competition to see if people liked him more than a nice smiley man.
It was a very big competition and it went on the TV.
~~ A special counting day story~~
Once upon a time there was an angry orange man, and he was in a competition to see if people liked him more than a nice smiley man.
It was a very big competition and it went on the TV.
It was very important to the angry orange man that the people liked him more than the nice smiley man, because he was scared inside, and also his mother never liked him much.
So he told his people that the nice smiley man does socialisms, and named him āsomnolent smiley manā.
So he told his people that the nice smiley man does socialisms, and named him āsomnolent smiley manā.
But it didnāt work. The people ticked the nice smiley manās name and other people counted and then the TV people said the angry orange man did not win.
But the angry orange man did not believe the TV people, not even his own special TV people who normally liked his orange rage.
But the angry orange man did not believe the TV people, not even his own special TV people who normally liked his orange rage.
The angry orange man could not believe his special TV people betrayed him.
He yelled so loudly from his bedroom that his scowly wife came running in to see if he was choking on a chicken wing.
All she could hear was something about Arizona. She was very scared.
He yelled so loudly from his bedroom that his scowly wife came running in to see if he was choking on a chicken wing.
All she could hear was something about Arizona. She was very scared.
Then he yelled some more about Georgia and Nevada and Pennsylvania and the somnolent smiley man and all the rest of it.
His scowly wife nodded and did her scowly smile, because that is her job, apart from being best and having quite nice legs.
His scowly wife nodded and did her scowly smile, because that is her job, apart from being best and having quite nice legs.
Even though most of the people didnāt like the angry orange man, he did have some friends.
He organised them into two groups.
One group would say ācount the votes!ā
The other would say āstop the count!ā
It did not occur to the angry orange manās friends this seemed a bit odd.
He organised them into two groups.
One group would say ācount the votes!ā
The other would say āstop the count!ā
It did not occur to the angry orange manās friends this seemed a bit odd.
The angry orange manās friends werenāt always the cleverest people, and thatās partly why he liked them.
He had one extra special friend who liked to pretend he was a lawyer.
He quickly organised for all the TV people to meet at a landscaping business instead of a hotel.
He had one extra special friend who liked to pretend he was a lawyer.
He quickly organised for all the TV people to meet at a landscaping business instead of a hotel.
Itās funny because usually when the angry orange manās people do strange things it is easy to make a satire about those things and this time it was so strange all we need to say is they held a press conference out front of a landscaping business.
Because none of us can top that.
Because none of us can top that.
Anyway, the pretend lawyer friend liked to yell too, so he yelled a lot about āvoter fraudā and ālegal challengesā and how the nice smiley man didnāt win.
The TV people tried not to get distracted by the crematorium and the adult book store nearby.
I did not make this part up.
The TV people tried not to get distracted by the crematorium and the adult book store nearby.
I did not make this part up.
Do you know why the angry orange man is so angry? And why he has to call the nice smiley man a mean name like āsomnolent smiley manā?
It is because he has a special problem called a narcissistic injury, and those hurt very very much.
The orange angry man has many sads inside.
It is because he has a special problem called a narcissistic injury, and those hurt very very much.
The orange angry man has many sads inside.
Having many sads is very scary to someone like the angry orange man. Even though he likes to say other things are sad. This is called āprojectionā. Sad!
So instead of acknowledging the searing pain of his narcissistic injury, the angry orange man got more angry and told lies.
So instead of acknowledging the searing pain of his narcissistic injury, the angry orange man got more angry and told lies.
Sometimes I think that the angry orange man believes his lies and thinks that Allegheny County does like him after all, and that all the judges in all the courts will really listen when he sends lots of paperwork talking about fake ballots and dead people voting in Michigan.
He will make his pretend lawyer friend write so many many paperworks and even exhume the body of William Bradley so that he can write lots of affidavits about all the times he voted while he was busy being dead for 36 years. Because dead people get bored too. Do they have vodka?
Sometimes stories like this make me think about vodka. I donāt know why. I think maybe the undermining of democratic norms in the most powerful country on earth might be a little upsetting. It is possible I have a sad too.
But thatās okay. I will learn to accept my sad.
But thatās okay. I will learn to accept my sad.
One thing the angry orange man will NEVER do is accept his sads.
He will never believe the nice smiley man got more people to say they liked him better than the angry orange man.
It is important to manage our expectations, and our vodka supplies. Also we may need cookies.
He will never believe the nice smiley man got more people to say they liked him better than the angry orange man.
It is important to manage our expectations, and our vodka supplies. Also we may need cookies.
I think there will be more sads to come, and the angry orange man may very well become the extremely erratic orange man.
Because that is what happens when lots of sads add up to gaping holes in the sad wintry hearts of men with very big sad narcissistic injuries.
The end. Sad!
Because that is what happens when lots of sads add up to gaping holes in the sad wintry hearts of men with very big sad narcissistic injuries.
The end. Sad!
