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SCOTLAND: 22 YEARS OF HURT
Here is a thread documenting Scotland’s chaotic tailspin into the depths of footballing shite, chronicling our failure to qualify at the last 10 major tournaments.
Here is a thread documenting Scotland’s chaotic tailspin into the depths of footballing shite, chronicling our failure to qualify at the last 10 major tournaments.
World Cup 1998: After watching us take Brazil to the limit before Tom Boyd scored his infamous own goal, I experienced my first lesson in the crushing futility of life as I sat nearly in tears watching us fail to lay a glove on MOROCCO of all countries as we lost 3-0.
Euro 2000: After finishing behind Euro 96 finalists Czechia, a play off with England saw us win 1-0 at Wembley thanks to Don Hutchison lost 2-1 on aggregate. Future justice minister Kenny McAskill got nicked drunkenly abusing England fans. Nothing but respect for my government.
World Cup 2002: After an unconvincing win in San Marino where the team were unnerved by changing in a portakabin, a last minute equaliser from 10-man Belgium at Hampden left us needing a win in Brussels, where our run of nine away games undefeated ended, losing 2-0.
Euro 2004: After avoiding humiliation in the Faroes with a late equaliser, we somehow took it to Germany TWICE, drawing at Hampden, to set up a play-off with Holland. A 1-0 home win saw the entire nation buying Rough Guides to Portugal before inexplicably losing 6-0 away.
World Cup 2006: Despite drawing with eventual World Cup winners Italy, Scotland failed to make the play offs after Berti Vogts ruined my birthday with a draw in Moldova that cost him his job, before a humiliating loss to Belarus at Hampden knocked us out.
Euro 2008 Part 1: In a group with the two finalists and a quarter finalist from that year’s World Cup (France, Italy and Ukraine), Scotland under Smith/McLeish were world beaters, beating France twice, including this iconic screamer by James MacFadden.
Euro 2008 Part 2: It all came down to a game vs. Italy. Quit my job that day, put an insane 15-fold on with 14 winning teams and Scotland only for the cheating pricks to dive for a penalty that knocked us out.
World Cup 2010: Despite an opening loss to Macedonia, we only needed a point versus Holland to get to the play offs. 51,000 fans watched as we hit the woodwork twice, had a goal chalked off and Kenny Miller missed from eight yards. A David Weir mistake saw Eljero Elia score late.
Euro 2012: The worst trilogy of games ever, an opening day 0-0 draw in Lithuania, followed by Liechtenstein at home where we cheered like we’d won the World Cup after a 97th minute winner from Stephen McManus, then the infamous 4-6-0 game against the Czech Republic.
World Cup 2014: A tough group with Croatia, Serbia, Wales and Belgium. I went to the Macedonia game at Hampden where we came from behind to draw and the place was like a morgue bar a hundred odd Macedonia fans going absolutely tonto directly behind me when they went 1-0 up.
Euro 2016: Grouped with world champions Germany, Ireland and Robert Lewandowski’s Poland, it was a vintage Scotlanding as we failed to qualify after losing to Georgia in a game so bad someone next to me in Campus threw his phone across the room and smashed it off a wall in rage.
World Cup 2018: Scotland came close to immortality, 2-1 up against England in injury time when Stuart Armstrong decided not to punt the ball away, allowing Harry Kane to score an equaliser. Draws with Lithuania and Slovenia and a 3-0 loss to Slovakia sealed our fate yet again.
Euro 2020: Starting with a comical loss to Kazakhstan, Scotland failed to qualify from their group but got a second chance after winning their Nations League group, qualifying for the play-offs, where they beat Israel and now face Serbia on Thursday, one game from qualifying.
In summation, Scotland, PLEASE don’t fuck this up. We are all behind you.
