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Thread: So, there's a lot of chatter about folk saying theyve disowned family over Tr*mp & a lot of others saying "but family!" and "unity!" Some of these convos are happening in Jewish spaces. So what does our tradition have to say about "tearing families apart" over ideology?
A lot, actually. It happens all across Tanach. Avraham/Terach, Avraham/Lot, Yitzchak/Yishmael, Yaakov/Esav. Yaakov/Lavan.
Now sure, there are stories of reconciliation. Avraham keeps Lot at a distance, but still comes to his rescue when he’s captured. Yishmael gets banished, but gets better, even reaching a level of reconciliation with Yitzchak that they both bury Avraham together.
But then there’s Yaakov and Lavan. And Yaakov and Esav.
See, in the Avraham/Lot scenario, they disagree ideologically, but Lot’s ideology doesn’t inherently threaten Avraham, his life, or his family.
In fact, even in Sodom, when the chips are down, Lot espouses the compassion he learned in Avraham’s house by inviting in guests even though the entire society around him is like “Nah, son. Also, we’ll kill you for that.”
Yishmael is a rapscallion, but he continues to listen and grow, not only taking his father’s advice on his choice of wives, but even growing and correcting himself that he and his brother can bury their father together.
But then there’s Yaakov and Esav and Lavan. That break goes far beyond “ideology”. Each of them are dedicated to destroying Yaakov, his family, and their way of life. Each make overtures to Yaakov under the guise of “unity” and “family”.
And Yaakov says no to both and cuts them both out of his life. It’s a Jewish dictum that “Esav will always hate Yaakov”, even through overtures of “unity” and “friendship”.
And Lavan, the more insidious of the two, who constantly abuses and swindles Yaakov while saying “we’re family, can’t we get long”, is not even counted as family any more. “An Aramean tried to destroy my forefather” we say in the Haggadah.
Not “our uncle” or any kind of other familial designation. Sometimes family is toxic and undermine our entire right to existence. And in such a scenario, not only do we have precedent to cut them out, but sometimes its even REQUIRED.
So no, unity doesn’t mean extending a hand to people who would either actively or passively cut it off. And family doesn’t mean a necessity to keep those bonds live. So let’s just stop with that narrative of shaming those who do as being shortsighted or petty or unempathetic.
