34 Lessons from Year 33

Just turned 34. I treat birthdays as milestones for reflection. Each serves as an opportunity to integrate learnings from the past year.

Here are 34 lessons from my 33rd year of life:

1. Intelligence is a byproduct of curiosity. Knowing is the enemy of learning. There is no limit to reality’s richness, just in your ability to pay attention to it.

2. When feeling unsure, the instinct is to flinch and avoid, hoping the answer will magically come to you. Instead, sit in the uncertainty.

3. In all creation, the desire for perfection leads to stagnation. All first drafts are bad first drafts. Trust that it will get a little better every time you come back to it.

4. Assume that most of the time you’ll follow the path of least resistance.

5. Overcome inertia by doing something. Anything. A body in motion tends to stay in motion.

6. Don’t feel feelings about feeling feelings. Don't feel angry for feeling sad. Don't feel guilty for feeling angry. Just feel the feels.

7. Most of the people you want to hang out with are too busy or distracted to make plans. Be the one who initiates.

8. Some of the best moments in life start with “Hey. I was thinking of you.”

9. An inbox is an interface with the outside world. It is not a to-do list. The goal is not to answer all the messages.

10. The status quo needs to pay rent. We’re biased to keep doing what we’re already doing. When in doubt, make the change.

11. There is nothing like a road trip to remind you that large parts of the country think differently than you do. Escape your bubble.

12. If someone mentions the word networking, back away slowly.

13. A great way to waste time is to achieve a goal, only to realize you didn’t actually want it.

14. All decisions come down to what values you’re currently optimizing for. If you decide which value is most important right now, the right option will become obvious.

15. The paradigms by which we form our systems are the ultimate leverage point. Thus, art has the power to change the world.

16. Be open to feedback and don’t take it personally. Most of your blind spots are completely obvious to those around you but they’ll only tell you what you’re ready to hear.

17. What we observe says more about ourselves than the object of observation. Those who point out character flaws see reflections of themselves.

18. Stop treating symptoms and look for root causes. When in doubt, keep asking “why?”

19. Surround yourself with quality and it will rub off.

20. Dedicated time for planning and reflection allows you to live in the present instead of constantly rehashing the past or fast-forwarding to the future.

21. The distance you have to look back and ask “WTF was I thinking?” is a good indicator of how fast you’re growing.

22. Know where your food comes from. I switched from restaurants to home-cooked meals and lost ten pounds without any other lifestyle changes.

23. Every change begins with awareness. Noticing a habit that was previously invisible is the first step to replacing it.

24. You don’t know anyone until you’ve seen how they react to a perceived crisis. True character is revealed when the chips are down.

25. If you observe a red flag when a small thing goes wrong, assume a big thing will follow.

26. True friendships have non-local effects. In the internet age, time and distance are only constraints for transactional exchange.

27. If you’re running around town looking for hazmat suits, perhaps it’s time to rethink your investment portfolio.

28. I’ve never once regretted spending time in nature.

29. The best ideas do not come to you at your desk. Often the most productive part of my day is taking a long afternoon walk without my phone.

30. The fastest way to turn around a bad mood is to do something nice for someone else.

31. Look in the mirror more often. Really look. There is a wealth of information there.

32. It feels really good to prioritize family. Call your parents and tell them you love them.

33. We have way fewer yeses than we like to think we do. Make sure all your yeses are Hell Yeses.

And yes… that is an engagement ring.

34. If you wake up one day, look over, and see the person you want to spend the rest of your life with… do something about it.