So. I took a photo on the 9th november 2016 which just came up in my memories so I always try to speak a bit about it whenever it’s around that date.

In 2016 I had 3 months off work due to serious depression which had spiralled.

I was very depressed, to the point that I saw no point in getting out of bed and leaving the house was an ordeal.
A lot of things led up to it, whether it’s a bad relationship, always putting other people’s feelings first, a job with horrible bosses.

I lost my grandma to cancer the year before then my grandad. It was a bad time.
I tried to kill myself at one point because I really had reached the point that not existing was preferable to feeling how I did.

The things that kept me going were family, support from an excellent GP and most importantly- fucking well ME.
Nobody ever talks about how much strength you need to grab the rope and start pulling yourself out of that pit.

Or even if they do it’s all abstract. You don’t understand the amount of effort it took to stop letting myself sink into this vat of negative thoughts, to say “I don’t deserve this and I won’t listen” to the negativity and to just put one hand in front of the other to climb out

So every year I always tell people that it’s fine to have a wobble in your mental health and it’s fine to struggle to get back up- but for fucks sake don’t stop. It’s so ridiculously amazing to crest the lip of that pit and realise that you can get out of it.

Mental health dictates so much more than people want to admit. Fighting a battle in your own head is fucking terrible. But it is doable.
I have always had depression but having managed depression is completely different to having serious depression that spirals.

If you need help please reach out to professionals and be honest and push them. Suffering unnecessarily is pointless. You owe it to yourself to be happy.