I don't know who needs to hear this, but you shouldn't wait to do things just because you don't feel you are "perfect".

Nobody gets to "perfect".

But some of us are told we should be "perfect", or rather that we should be different than what we are. We second-guess ourselves.

"Perfect" is not achievable, so stalling or hiding becomes a defensive strategy. Because we get used to being judged for simply existing. So if we wait for perfection, maybe they won't judge us?

Does this resonate, neuroatypical folks?

What will it take to lower those stakes?

What can I say, the external judgment might stop, but the internalized voice that comments on every single little thing you do which is different from a neurotypical way of doing things, that voice is much harder to silence.

But you don't have to silence it to do your thing.

You don't need to get rid of the critical voice to do things you want to do. Every single thing I've done in life, that bastard was on my shoulder. It's trying to quality control my tweets as I write this.
So let it blather, but you can still do your thing.

These traditional wisdoms are not always right. You do not have to fully love and accept yourself before you can be loved. You deserve love and acceptance even if you struggle with self-love. You do not have to be perfect to create, you do not have to be flawless to help others.

If you can't do that right now, that is ok. It's ok to just be without forcing yourself to be productive and social and wise every single moment of our lives. But that's because you deserve to JUST BE, not because you are flawed or not "perfect."

It's never too late to begin, to start over, but it's also never too late to stop and breathe and say "I deserve not to worry about this right now." "I cannot do this right now." "I do not need to worry about how I compare to others." "Right now, I am making a cup of tea."

One thing in my friendship with Corey is that it was safe to have needs. We could be deep in a convo and one of us would say "I need to have a snack" and the other would stop and say "I hope it's tasty" and then there would be a break. I never had that safety before.

This is what Corey modeled, not that people should pretend that they are not embodied, but to recognize the needs of our bodies, especially our disabled bodies, to honor our realities by providing each other with the safety of having these needs recognized. *That* is care.

Care in that context meant that one's needs were important and prioritized above production - the production of words, of products, of meanings, and even the social production of our friendship. That was and remains revolutionary, and deeply anti-capitalist, and deeply queer.

It's impossible to escape judgment when you are that far removed from the mainstream. So I think escaping judgment is not what we need to focus on.

What will we create? Who are we? What can we become without coercing ourselves into shapes the society dictates for us?

What will our lives look if we are not afraid of judgment? If we are not judging ourselves? If we allow ourselves to go at our own pace? To stop striving for unachievable "perfection"? To stop hiding because others might be judging? What would it look like if we can simply be?

This thread has gone on for a long time, and I think this will need to be enough. I am going to make myself a cup of tea. :) Be well, all, and thank you for reading