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Laundromat: Chevy salesman looking dude walks in with a laundry bag and a grocery bag. Throws laundry bag on top of a machine. From the grocery bag, removes 1 gallon of Tide, 1 liter of bleach, 1 box of dryer sheets. Begins reading tide bottle. Let’s see how this plays out.
I’m sitting out in my car because there’s a goddamn pandemic but if this freshly divorced dumfuck reaches for the bleach I may have to step in.
And he’s making a call. Oh Jesus. It looks like he’s reading the Tide bottle over the phone.
I may not have to step in. There’s an old Portuguese auntie in there watching him now. He’s still on the phone but he’s walked over to the change machine. And I’m guessing he’s wondering why there’s no credit card slot.
Yeah he’s fucked. He’s headed over to bodega. There was a quick conversation with the auntie that appeared to be “hey, make sure no one steals my Dockers”
I want to clarify that by laundry bag, I do mean oversized adidas gym bag that’ll fucking explode if he tries to shove one more sock in there.
He’s gonna come back with a $20
Oh. Nope. Apparently he did read the change machine as carefully as he studied the tide bottle.
He’s now trying to shove his two weeks since she changed the locks pile of clothes into a $3 machine and there is no fucking way.
Another lady just lost her shit watching him. And now she’s on her phone so this’ll be an insta story too.
He’s looking for a bigger machine but I think I got the last
Nope. He found one. Shoving the rest in there.
Hahaha I was kind of hoping for his sake he’d use this opportunity to separate his whites but fuck that. He’s now violently emptying out the other machine.
Nope. He found one. Shoving the rest in there.
Hahaha I was kind of hoping for his sake he’d use this opportunity to separate his whites but fuck that. He’s now violently emptying out the other machine.
Honey, whoever you are, I am so fucking glad you’re free.
I don’t mean him. The two ladies in there are just leaning on the dryers watching the show. We’ve all someone come to the same decision. No one’s gonna fucking help him if he reaches for the bleach.
Somehow.
He got the machine closed. Here it is. The moment. We’ve got tide.
Okay sure about three-four cups seems right.
Okay sure about three-four cups seems right.
HE’S READING THE BLEACH
And he’s on the phone again. I hope it’s his buddy Dave who went through this last year and told him he’d be better off without her because he is NOT
Awwww he set the bleach down. Oh well. Maybe he’ll put it in the dryer. Damnit.
I have never turned on someone so fast but slamming washing machine doors because you have no concept of size (lol) seems like a sign of bad character. Never mind being 50 and NEVER HAVING DONE YOUR OWN GODDAMN LAUNDRY YOU PIECE OF SHIT
Went in to throw my shit in the dryer and he made eye contact so I said how’s it going and he just grunted so I was already laughing again when I made eye contact with the old Portuguese ladies and there was this “you saw that right?” “YES HOLY SHIT” moment. It made me so happy.
