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Many years ago, when my daughter was only 2 months old @rustymurphy13 she’s 32 now, I was labouring doing up houses and shit working with my girlfriend’s brother and Stepdad, it was nearly Christmas and us labourers were going out on a works doo, the last thing my missus
@marymmoore5 said to me was Make sure you get the last bus home, I promised I would, I went out and got completely wankered, I saw the last bus ready to pull away at Piccadilly bus station, I ran in such a pissed up wobbly way that I ran straight into the plate glass of
The bus stop and my head burst open, blood everywhere, no problem, I managed to stand up and stagger to the bus, paid my fare and went upstairs for a cig, I couldn’t understand why on a crowded late night last bus, no one wanted to sit next to me 
I passed out. Next thing I
I passed out. Next thing I
Remember is I wake up, on the bus, the bus is completely empty, it’s quiet, I look out the window and all I can see is other buses, I’m in a Bus Depot, it’s about 2 in the morning, I have no money left and my missus @marymmoore5 is gonna kill me when I get home. I stagger off
The bus and wander aimlessly through the maze of closely park ed buses, I reach a clearing in the depot and I see a bloke jet washing buses, I see one near him with the door open, I walk straight to it get in the drivers seat, keys are in , Jackpot, last bus home, I start it
Up and drive out the depot, a police car sees me and he flashes his headlights to tell me to put mine on, I press and stab and push every button I can as the interior lights go on and off/ wipers/ passenger door opening and closing, chaos
I suss out the lights, get my bearings ( I was in Bury) and head home on the last bus, I pass a bunch of Xmas revellers, they put out their hands when they see my bus, I flick them the V’s as I speed home, I get home, park up and creep in like a Ninja
The missus appears asking why I’m so late and how did I get home, I tell her proudly I got the bus and show it her parked outside, to say she went apeshit would be an understatement, now she wants me to move it, so off I go again, swish open the door, lights on, drive off
so off I go again, swish open the door, lights on, drive off
I drive about 1/4 mile away and walk home. And when I get in I get a bollocking. Sometimes you just can’t win.
