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Trauma responses in your relationships:
A thread.
A thread.
Before I dive deep into the thread, let's cover the basics:
·What is trauma?
Extreme life events that threaten your physical and psychological safety. Situations that alter or damage your behavior, sense of self, reactions and responses.
·What is trauma?
Extreme life events that threaten your physical and psychological safety. Situations that alter or damage your behavior, sense of self, reactions and responses.
·What are trauma responses?
Reactions or patterns that are related to an initial trauma.
We each have natural reactions to danger (fight, flee, freeze), yet they can become trauma responses when we over-rely on these in non-threatening situations. We constantly perceive danger.
Reactions or patterns that are related to an initial trauma.
We each have natural reactions to danger (fight, flee, freeze), yet they can become trauma responses when we over-rely on these in non-threatening situations. We constantly perceive danger.
·What are triggers?
Trauma reminders (noticing sounds, smells, tastes, images). They can be uncomfortable and painful.
·What are flashbacks?
Vivid, instant or prolonged regressions into the intense emotional states of a past traumatic event. It feels like it's happening NOW.
Trauma reminders (noticing sounds, smells, tastes, images). They can be uncomfortable and painful.
·What are flashbacks?
Vivid, instant or prolonged regressions into the intense emotional states of a past traumatic event. It feels like it's happening NOW.
Types of trauma:
·Acute: one deeply disturbing event
·Repetitive: exposure to multiple, chronic, prolonged highly stressful events
·Developmental: early onset exposure to repetitive trauma (neglect, abandonment, abuse, assault, witnessing violence, coercion, betrayal...)
·Acute: one deeply disturbing event
·Repetitive: exposure to multiple, chronic, prolonged highly stressful events
·Developmental: early onset exposure to repetitive trauma (neglect, abandonment, abuse, assault, witnessing violence, coercion, betrayal...)
Types of trauma:
·Vicarious: absorbing and integrating the trauma of someone else
·Historical: cumulative effect of emotional and psychological trauma among a specific group of people
·Inter-generational: cycle or pattern of trauma wounds transferred in between generations
·Vicarious: absorbing and integrating the trauma of someone else
·Historical: cumulative effect of emotional and psychological trauma among a specific group of people
·Inter-generational: cycle or pattern of trauma wounds transferred in between generations
This is going to be a long thread, come back tomorrow to read about how trauma responses show up in your relationships, then what to do about these.
Don't hesitate to ask questions. I'm a bit constricted because of the characters limits, but I will do my best!
Don't hesitate to ask questions. I'm a bit constricted because of the characters limits, but I will do my best!
Trauma responses in your relationships:
What it truly looks like.
A thread (Part II).
What it truly looks like.
A thread (Part II).
In Part I,
we talked about Fight, Flight and Freeze (I'll also add Fawn) and how these are natural responses to danger but can become trauma responses when the part of our brain that generates survival reactions is overactive.
What do trauma responses look like in relationships?
we talked about Fight, Flight and Freeze (I'll also add Fawn) and how these are natural responses to danger but can become trauma responses when the part of our brain that generates survival reactions is overactive.
What do trauma responses look like in relationships?
·You can be highly functional when at work, yet you have difficulty feeling safe in personal relationships.
·Having to put your trust in someone other than yourself is terrifying.
·Intimacy is a threat, you feel it is dangerous.
·You constantly fear for your physical survival.
·Having to put your trust in someone other than yourself is terrifying.
·Intimacy is a threat, you feel it is dangerous.
·You constantly fear for your physical survival.
FIGHT RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You avoid intimacy by unconsciously creating conflicts with others. You alienate people you care about by always being angry.
·You make demands that are controlling.
·Your inner-child has an unmet need for unconditional love.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You avoid intimacy by unconsciously creating conflicts with others. You alienate people you care about by always being angry.
·You make demands that are controlling.
·Your inner-child has an unmet need for unconditional love.
FIGHT RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You feel like a ticking bomb.
·You attack your partner verbally-physically.
·You're unable to retreat when danger show up, you want to rage even if it's counterproductive to finding solutions.
·Constant knot in your stomach.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You feel like a ticking bomb.
·You attack your partner verbally-physically.
·You're unable to retreat when danger show up, you want to rage even if it's counterproductive to finding solutions.
·Constant knot in your stomach.
FLIGHT RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You avoid dealing with conflicts.
·You don't prefer taking a deep look at your feelings, it's best to move along!
·You often forget to breathe when you feel in trouble. You feel anxious and fear the worst.
·Always fidgety.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You avoid dealing with conflicts.
·You don't prefer taking a deep look at your feelings, it's best to move along!
·You often forget to breathe when you feel in trouble. You feel anxious and fear the worst.
·Always fidgety.
FLIGHT RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You run away from your emotions by being super busy.
·You feel like you're always running in life. It always feels like you're about to be trapped.
·You feel restless, tensed.
·You don't always know what pain feels like.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You run away from your emotions by being super busy.
·You feel like you're always running in life. It always feels like you're about to be trapped.
·You feel restless, tensed.
·You don't always know what pain feels like.
FREEZE RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You often feel powerless.
·Conflicts make you feel stuck emotionally and physically.
·You feel heavy and unable to move when in trouble.
·You shut down emotionally when upset.
·You hide or isolate yourself from problems.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You often feel powerless.
·Conflicts make you feel stuck emotionally and physically.
·You feel heavy and unable to move when in trouble.
·You shut down emotionally when upset.
·You hide or isolate yourself from problems.
FREEZE RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You disconnect from your partner or friends when you feel something is wrong.
·You don't want to reach out to others, you feel like a burden.
·You withdraw, give the silent treatment or become unresponsive when in trouble.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You disconnect from your partner or friends when you feel something is wrong.
·You don't want to reach out to others, you feel like a burden.
·You withdraw, give the silent treatment or become unresponsive when in trouble.
FAWN RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You immediately move to people-pleasing when in trouble.
·You preemptively try to appease others, even when they're being virulent, toxic and abusive.
·You agree and respond in a manner where you know what others want to hear.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You immediately move to people-pleasing when in trouble.
·You preemptively try to appease others, even when they're being virulent, toxic and abusive.
·You agree and respond in a manner where you know what others want to hear.
FAWN RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·Difficulty acknowledging your emotions. You don't know how you feel, even when there's no one around to disturb your thoughts.
·You look to others to know what you think about a situation.
·You feel like you have no identity.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·Difficulty acknowledging your emotions. You don't know how you feel, even when there's no one around to disturb your thoughts.
·You look to others to know what you think about a situation.
·You feel like you have no identity.
FAWN RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You prefer to ignore your truths, beliefs or experiences. This leads to less conflicts with others.
·It's hard for you to make decision especially when all the attention is on you."What do you want to eat?" can trigger you.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You prefer to ignore your truths, beliefs or experiences. This leads to less conflicts with others.
·It's hard for you to make decision especially when all the attention is on you."What do you want to eat?" can trigger you.
FAWN RESPONSE
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You over-give, over-listen, over-do and never ask for what you really need because rejection does feel like life threatening danger.
·You don't know why narcissists always want to be around you.
·Others take advantage of you.
(Trauma reaction in relationships)
·You over-give, over-listen, over-do and never ask for what you really need because rejection does feel like life threatening danger.
·You don't know why narcissists always want to be around you.
·Others take advantage of you.
GENERAL RESPONSES
(Trauma in relationships)
·Anger and guilt are always present.
·Emotional outbursts or sudden sadness
·You repeat childhood horrors with abusive partners.
·You don't know why you pursue unhealthy connections.
·You have a hard time welcoming love.
(Trauma in relationships)
·Anger and guilt are always present.
·Emotional outbursts or sudden sadness
·You repeat childhood horrors with abusive partners.
·You don't know why you pursue unhealthy connections.
·You have a hard time welcoming love.
We must get that these are only trauma responses if we're constantly unable to access a wide range of reactions. We always find ourselves in only one of these: Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn.
Because everything is perceived as a threat to our survival. It feels like real danger.
Because everything is perceived as a threat to our survival. It feels like real danger.
Children that have used Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn to escape abuse or life-threatening situations will often apply the same life-saving tactics as adults, even when there's no evidence they need to do so.
Trauma response = every reaction is related to the initial trauma.
Trauma response = every reaction is related to the initial trauma.
